Keeping Secrets
by Spikesslayer8
Summary: Armed with fake I.D's 16 year old Elizabeth Buffy Summers and her best friend Cordeila Giles head out to L.A's hottest club intending on meeting up with Cordy's older, secret boyfriend Xander but when Cordy and Xander bail on Buffy she meets the man of
1. Chapter 1

_Chapter 1_

_First Impressions _

Elizabeth, or as she preferred to be called, Buffy, stood in line outside one of L.A's hottest clubs, Caritas. She took one sideways glance at her closest friend, Cordelia and couldn't help but feel completely out of place. She looked down at her own outfit, a slight frown marring her face.

Black leather pants and a skin tight red top weren't her first choice in clothing, but Cordelia had insisted she wear them. She also wore black knee high boots that her pants covered.

Her hair was down and fell around her shoulders in soft golden waves framing her face. Buffy glanced at the bouncer at the front of the line, her brow creased as she looked back at Cordelia. She was dressed somewhat the same, only instead of wearing a red top she wore a blue one.

They were never going to get inside this club. Buffy sighed, the bouncer was going to know the second they handed over their ID's, that they were fake.

The truth was that both Buffy and Cordy were high school students. A friend of Cordelia's had made them fake Ids, after they'd paid him the money. Slimy weasel. Buffy crossed her arms over her chest.

Cordelia was practically bouncing up and down with excitement with each step they took. Buffy knew that she was going to be left alone at some stage tonight.

She sighed.

Boys!

They had come all this way to meet Cordy's older boyfriend, Xander.

Only Buffy and a few of their other close friends knew about the relationship. Xander was Cordelia's older brother, William's, best friend. He had been since they were kids.

Buffy met Cordy's eyes and smiled. She felt sorry for her friend, always having to sneak around. The reason why was simple.

William.

Buffy was glad she didn't have an older brother, William sounded nuts. He was extremely overprotective of Cordy and in his eyes nobody was good enough for his kid sister.

Personally, Buffy just thought he sounded like a jerk and if she ever met, she smiled, she was going to give him a piece of her mind.

Cordy and her parents, Jenny and Rupert Giles, had moved from L.A to Sunnydale four years ago when Rupert or Giles, as he preferred to be called, was offered a position at the local high school as the librarian. Jenny had been offered a position as the computer science teacher once they had arrived.

Their older son, William had stayed behind with his Uncle Wesley and Aunt Fred to finish his last year of high school, before attending UCLA.

William had apparently always said that Cordelia was far too young to be dating, but that never stopped her.

Cordy and Xander had started dating a year ago a few weeks after Cordelia had just turned sixteen. Xander was twenty-one at the time and had tried to fight his feelings, knowing she was young. They fell in love and simply couldn't fight it anymore. Both Xander and Cordelia agreed that they would tell William about their relationship but not until Cordy turned eighteen, which would be next year.

Buffy was the youngest in the group, only sixteen years old. She was five months younger than Cordy and most of their friends but in her mind she was much older. She'd had to grow up a lot faster than her friends.

Buffy's father had abandoned both her and her mother, Joyce, two years ago leaving them with a mountain of debt. Joyce, who ran her own art gallery had to go back to work full time and unfortunately spent most of her time out of town on business trips. Buffy had been forced to grow up much faster than her mother would have liked.

They were only a few people away from the front door when Buffy felt Cordy grip her arm and let out a giggle. Buffy spared one more look at the bouncer and took a deep breath.

"Cordy, maybe this isn't such a good idea."

"Buffy, don't get cold feet on me now, please." Cordelia pouted. "I haven't seen Xander in two months. Two whole months. This is the only weekend that both my parents and William are out of town," her lip wobbled. "Please don't bail on me."

Buffy sighed, already giving in.

"Fine," Buffy sighed. "Why do we have to meet here? Why not at the movies? Or y-you guys could go out to dinner? You know something…legal?" Buffy whispered harshly.

"Puh-lease," Cordy flipped her hair across one shoulder. "Like I'm going to give up the chance to go to the hottest club in L.A," she let out a scoff. "Not likely…Besides," she met Buffy's eyes and smiled. "How often do we get to come to L.A. for the weekend and leave boring old Sunnydale behind?"

Buffy rolled her eyes and nodded in agreement.

When Buffy had first met Cordy, she had instantly disliked her. Cordelia was, in Buffy's eyes a snob but over time she'd gotten to know her and her views and opinions had changed. Watching the way Cordelia was with Xander was amazing. It was like she was a whole different person when he was around. She was one of the kindest, sweetest friends Buffy had but, every now and again the old Cordy would rear her ugly head.

Buffy laughed softly at the thought.

"Point taken."

"Good, now just smile and don't say a word." Cordy whispered, as they moved towards the bouncer who simply smiled and let them pass, not even bothering to ask to see their I.D.

Buffy let out a sigh of relief.

"What did I tell you," Cordy grinned, scanning the crowd for Xander. "No problem." She was like a cheesier cat, grin spreading from ear to ear when she spotted him in the corner of the club, waving her over.

"Buffy, I'll meet you at the bar." Buffy nodded, shaking her head as she watched Cordy leap into Xander's arms and prep his face with kisses.

Buffy usually didn't drink. Alcohol and Buffy were very un-mix-y things, but she figured one wouldn't hurt.

"What can I get for you?" the bartender asked, when she approached.

"Um… a vodka and orange juice, thanks." He nodded and Buffy smiled, handing him the money.

She took a small sip and tried her hardest not to cringe when the liquor slightly burned her throat. She scrunched her nose and was about to turn and scan the club for Cordelia when she felt her mobile vibrate on her hip.

i_** "**__**It**__**'**__**s Cordy. Turns out my brother is still in town and actually in the club, so Xander and I are going to head off. I**__**'**__**ll see you in the morning… behave! And catch a cab back to the motel. NO walking!**__**" **_/i

Buffy smiled down at the message, Cordy knew her so well. She let out a laugh and was thankful that they had chosen to get separate hotel rooms. The last thing Buffy wanted to do was walk in on Cordy and Xander making with the hot monkey love, especially since they hadn't seen or touched each other in two months.

She took a deep breath and gulped down the remainder of her vodka and orange juice, deciding she'd call it a night. She didn't know anyone here, and she had to get up early and drive back to Sunnydale if they hoped to be back before Jenny and Giles, and of course her mother, who was returning from a trip to New York.

She was still recovering from downing her drink when she slid off her stool and turned to leave. Her shoe got caught on the bar stool which sent her falling into the chest of a very gorgeous man.

"Hello, cutie." He said, smirking.

Buffy almost melted, he had an accent. Her heart skipped a beat as she took in his appearance. Platinum blond hair, black leather duster, black nail polish and well defined cheek bones. bi_**"**__**Oh God! What a hunk!**__**" **_/i/b

"Leaving so soon?" He asked, smiling again.

Buffy said nothing, she couldn't form words, her only response was to smile in return and take his offered hand. He helped her back up onto the stood and sat down opposite her, his blue cerulean eyes never leaving her green ones.

It was turning out to be a great night.


	2. A night to remember

_Chapter 2_

_A night to remember._

The door to Spike's apartment was thrust open, as the couple tumbled through their hands reaching out for each other. Spike sent out a silent 'thank you' when he was met with silence. The apartment was empty.

He was thankful that Xander and gone back to his dates place because he planned on making some noise. Spike smirked down at the blonde spitfire in front of him and slid one hand down her thigh.

Buffy moaned at the feel of his hands on her body, everywhere he touched sent shivers in their wake. He must have kicked the front door to his apartment closed because she heard a loud bang as it slammed shut.

She'd never done this before, gone home with a guy she hardly knew. Something about Spike was different.

They had spent the past few hours at Caritas getting to know each other, chatting, drinking and dancing. Buffy moaned at the memory, Spike sure knew how to dance, his touch was like liquid fire, his hips grinding to the beat.

Her head was spinning, she wasn't drunk but she was definitely tipsy. The alcohol in her system had only made it easier to say yes when he had asked her if she wanted to go back to his place.

She'd only slept with one other man in her whole life, Angel O'Connor, Sunnydale highs star quarter back and biggest jerk around. Looking back now, Buffy couldn't believe she had once thought that she was in love with him.

They had dated for three months before they slept together. A few weeks later Angel had dumped her and it hadn't taken him long to move onto his next conquest. bi _"__Jerk!__"_/i/b Buffy couldn't help but think. Cordy had tried to warn her but she'd stupidly ignored her, hoping that Angel would realise what he'd given up and come crawling back to her. Yeah right. That had been four months ago.

Buffy knew what she was doing was wrong, she'd told Spike that she was twenty one, when in truth, she was only sixteen years old. She'd considered telling him the truth but a part of her knew that the moment she did, what they had would end. She couldn't let it end, she wouldn't. She had to have him.

Spike slid both of his arms down and around her waist, pulling her flush against him. Buffy let out a gasp as he kissed his way down her throat, walking them backwards and towards what she assumed was his bedroom. No sooner had they passed through the threshold and into his room, Buffy was pulling his shirt up and over his head. She tossed it to the ground and pushed him back onto the bed, grinning as he gazed hungrily up at her. She didn't waist a second before sliding her way up his body, coming to a stop when she sat astride him. They both moaned at the feel of his hardened member pressing against her clothed sex.

Spike wasn't playing anymore, with a few short seconds he had her top off and on the floor.

bi _"Christ!" _/i/b

Spike's eyes darkened as he gazed up at her, earning him a small giggle

Buffy wasn't wearing a bra.

She was a goddess, so beautiful, sweet, sexy and seductive. Spike wanted to eat her alive. She sat on top of him, straddling his waist and rubbing against him in all the right ways. With every movement she made, every breath she took, her chest bare and begging him to touch her two perfect mounds.

Spike sat up and took one hardened nipple into his hot mouth, making sure it was properly seen too before doing the same to the other. Buffy moaned in delight, threading her hand through his hair, pulling him closer. She didn't know what had overcome her when she pushed him back onto the bed, she'd never been so forceful with a guy before. She loved it, she decided with a grin. She loved the power, the look of shock and pleasure on his face.

She left a trail of hot and wet kisses down his chest until she reached her destination. Her hands undid his jeans and pulled them down, stopping briefly to untie his shoes before stripping him of the rest of his clothing. Buffy let out a groan at the sight of his now naked form, she had never seen anything so perfect in all her life.

His chest was hard and rippled, his body lean and long and his cock was.. bi _"Oh my God!"_/i/b He was huge, hard and begging for attention.

Standing up, she slipped off her own boots before shimmying out of her leather pants, standing before him completely naked. Her body was tanned a tort, perfect mounds, toned stomach, her cleanly shaved pussy glistening with need. Spike couldn't take it anymore, he had to have her.

Sitting up at lightning speed he grasped her arm and pulled her down onto the bed, rolling them over so that she was pinned beneath him. Buffy could feel his harden length rubbing against her wet heat, coating his cock in her juices.

Lifting her hips, she moaned when his cock slipped between her wet lips and rubbed against her clit. Spike teased her with a few strokes to her clit before positioning himself at her entrance and sliding in.

Buffy let out a deep moan at the feel of his cock inside of her, earning her a few pants as Spike slid all the way in. She was so tight, unlike anything he had ever felt before. It was almost as if she was still a virgin, though he knew that to not be true. bi _"Just hasn't had sex in a while, mate._" /i/b he thought, sliding back and forth a few times.

"Oh God, Spike!" Buffy gasped as Spike pulled out and slammed into her quickly, starting to thrust into her at a steady pace.

"Buffy, so good." Spike panted, sliding his arm down her body and cupping her bottom. "So tight," he moaned, sliding his hand to her thigh and lifting her leg out to the side. She felt him slide in deeper and couldn't stop herself as she arched her back, and let out a moan. He was moving in and out of her at an agonizingly slow pace, she needed more, had to have more.

"Please, Spike…."

"Widen your legs, love…ah…that's it." Spike groaned as Buffy followed his instructions, sliding her legs out to the sides, allowing him to slip further into her.

"Fuck me!" Buffy gasped, arching her back as he hit something deep within her. "Faster," she gasped. "Fuck me harder!" Buffy gasped and groaned as he did just that, the hand on her thigh gripped tighter and lift upwards.

She was so close, she knew she wouldn't last much longer, he felt to good. Each time he moved her leg into a new position, he seemed to slide in even deeper. Spike stretched her like no one ever had, filling every part of her. She could feel every ripple and vain on his cock as he slipped in and out of her.

"Buffy," he moaned. She had to know what he was thinking, what he was feeling, she needed to hear his words.

"Tell me," she gasped as he kissed her neck. "Tell me how I feel."

"So god damn tight," he quickened his pace. "Like your chocking me. So wet for me and so bloody hot," he smirked, hearing her short gasps. "Hot as hell, kitten. You could burn me alive." He nibbled on her ear, whispering huskily into her ear. "Love fucking you. Such a sweet pussy, could do it all day." He groaned and kissed the skin just behind her ear on her neck, making her shudder.

She was so close. His voice was hot against her skin, whispering nothings in her ear, the feel of him pounding into her heat, slipping in and out of her sent her walls fluttering. Feeling her beneath him, Spike quickened his pace, growling when her hands cupped his bottom and pulled him in harder and faster. She was spiralling completely out of control. Buffy felt herself let go, her walls squeezing his cock like a vice grip as she wailed in release. Spike was panting, letting out a groan when she scraped her nails down his back, his hips thrusting hard and fast against hers.

"SPIKE!"

He thrust into her a few more times before he found his own release, groaning as he spilled his seed into her welcoming body.

"Buffy," Spike moaned, leaving hot open mouthed kisses along her neck and collar bone as he came down from his high. It didn't take too long for him to realise that they had neglected to use protection. All the colour drained from his face.

"Uh, B-Buffy, luv. We didn't use…" Buffy looked up and met his confused face, he raised his eyebrows and her mouth formed and 'O'.

"I'm on the pill."

He sighed in relief.

"And I assume your… you know… clean?" she asked almost shyly.

"Completely."

"As am I," she smiled. "So no problems there." Spike nodded his agreement, both taking a shuddering breath when he slipped from her warmth.

He rolled them onto their sides and pulled the blanket up to cover them, sliding an arm around her small waist and pulling her close. Spike took a deep breath, inhaling her scent, enjoying the feel of having her in his arms. He hoped that this was going to be the beginning of a great and hopefully long relationship. With that thought on his mind he dozed off, not before making sure that she'd fallen asleep first.

Spike was glad that Oz had gotten sick, making the band have to cancel their trip. If he hadn't then he would have never met her.


	3. Walking Away

_Chapter 3_

_Walking away._

Buffy stared at the man next to her, Spike, she frowned, that's what he had said his name was. She spared one more glance before slipping from his grasp and from under the covers and gathering her clothes to get dressed. She wondered if she should stay and talk to him, quickly shaking the idea from her mind.

What would she say to him? It's not like they were ever going to see each other again. She doubted that once he found out that she was only sixteen and not twenty one years old, that he would ever want to see her again. She knew she shouldn't have lied to him to begin with, it was wrong and unfair but how would she have explained how she got into the club?

Sighing, she shook her head and silently slipped on her shoes, grabbing her purse and mobile phone from the floor. If she had been honest with him to begin with would he have pursued her? Still wanted to get to know her? She doubted it but then again Xander loved Cordy and he was twenty two and she was only seventeen.

_bi "__That__'__s different.__"__ /i/b _she told herself. b i _"__They've known each other since they were kids and fell in love over time. They couldn__'__t fight it, they were meant to be together.__**"**_ /i/b she sighed sadly, Spike had been everything she had ever wanted in a guy. He was smart, funny, good looking… actually he was drop dead gorgeous, he had the whole bad boy look going for him, a fantastic lover and just a splash of dangerous.

Maybe if she stayed they could talk over breakfast? She could explain why she had lied and they could work something out. bi "D_on__'__t be stupid, Buffy. The guy would freak out!"/i/b_her mind yelled, the vibrating of her mobile in her hand jarring her from her thoughts. Seeing Codry's name flashing on the screen she quickly answered.

"Hello," she whispered, hoping not to wake Spike before she could leave.

"Buffy where hell are you? I just went to you room and you didn't answer!" Cordy all but yelled into the phone.

"Chill out, Cordy, I'm fine, I just stepped out to get breakfast," she lied.

"Don't you dare lie to me Elizabeth Buffy Summers! My motel room is right next to yours and I didn't hear you come in last night and I've been awake for hours so spill…. Where are you?" Buffy cringed at the sound of her best friend using her full name, she hated it when she did that. She felt like she was a five year old child being scolded by her mother.

"I'm on my way back to the motel now, okay."

"Your dodging…Why are you dodging? Where are you?... Oh my God, Buffy! Did you go home with a guy last night?" she could hear Cordy laughing and Xander's voice in the background, asking her if Buffy was okay. Buffy felt her face go bright red with embarrassment.

"What?... N-no I would never…" she stammered.

"You did! You little slut" Cordy laughed again.

"Shut up, Cordelia… I'll see you soon." She whispered harshly into the phone before hanging up. She could still hear Cordy's laughter, mocking her as the phone clicked shut. Buffy turned to take one last look at Spike's sleeping form, wishing more than anything that she could stay. Knowing this would be the last time she would ever see him again she crept over to the bed and bent down to kiss his check softly.

"Goodbye, Spike." she whispered, turning and walking out of his room and out of his life. It wasn't until she had reached the footpath did she take out her phone to call a cab.

**b*Two hours later*/b**

Spike stretched his arms above his head, letting out a content sigh. He rolled over to hug Buffy and his eyes snapped open when his hand met the empty bed. His eyebrows creased into a frown as he sat up and looked around the room for any signs of her, her clothes, purse and phone were all gone, it was clear she had left.

Getting out of bed he slipped on his jeans, looking for any sign of a note or number but there was nothing, she had just left. He couldn't believe it, he was the one that usually slipped out of a girls room without so much as a goodbye. Spike ran a hand through his hair, when he and Buffy started talking last night he knew things were different, she was amazing, smart and beautiful.

She went to UC Sunnydale and was studying art, she love poetry and didn't laugh when he said he loved it too, she had moved like liquid sex on the dance floor and had a smile that could knock you dead. Buffy had been the most amazing lover he had ever had, she was perfect or so he thought.

How could she just leave? He had asked her to his place so he could make her breakfast in the morning, usually he suggested going to their place so he could slip out unnoticed in the morning but this time he had no intention of doing that. He wanted to be with her in every way possible.

He hadn't felt like this since his ex, Drusilla. He had only been a young boy of sixteen when she had blown into his life like a storm, rocking his world and changing him from the once geeky William, who was always reading and studying and pretty much a full time loner and into Spike.

His once floppy brown locks were replaced with bleached blonde hair that he mostly kept slicked back. He no longer wore tweed suits, opting to wear tight black jeans and red or black shirts which he covered with his black leather duster. Drusilla had snapped his thick black rimmed glasses and replaced them with contacts…. She had changed his life, changed who he was and in the end had ripped out his heart.

The only person who had stuck by his side was Xander, the only real friend he'd ever had.

Dru had been eight years his senior and a student at UCLA when they had met, he was only in high school at the time. His parents had at first been supportive of his decision to date an older woman, understanding as his father had been eight years older then his mother when they had first met. Jenny had been twenty and Giles twenty eight but the moment they had met Drusilla in person and had truly gotten to know her, they decided that maybe it was better if he stopped seeing her.

Spike of course had disagreed, saying he loved her and would continue to see her no matter what. Jenny and Giles had tried their hardest to stay supportive and not interfere in his relationship, in fear of losing their son. Things drastically changed just after Spike had turned eighteen. He had driven out to Dru's place to propose to her, only to find her in bed with another man. Sadly, it hadn't been the first time he had feared she was cheating on him but actually seeing it was different.

Dru had laugh hysterically at him and invited him to join in, he had run out of the apartment and never gone back again. They split up shortly after that, Spike went to college at UCLA and Dru had left for England with her new boyfriend, Lindsay McDonald.

Spike had been devastated, his parents had been supportive, always there for him to help him through the tough times. It didn't take Spike to long to change his view on relationships, he thought it better to get what you need and to get gone. Dating someone older or younger then you was just a bad idea all together, it only led to disaster. He thought he would never feel so much for someone again after Dru had left, until Buffy had walked into his life.

A part of him felt like kicking himself for sleeping with her, wishing he had taken it slow but after hours of talking, laughing, and dancing together he had wanted her, needed her more than anything in his life. Had to have her. It was almost like he couldn't control himself around her.

He had thought she felt the same but it seemed that she had just been looking for a good time. Spike was jarred from his thoughts when he heard the front door open and close, his best friend Xander walking in.

"Good morning." Xander smiled, his tone bright.

"There's nothing good about this morning," Spike grunted.

"You okay buddy?" Xander asked, concerned.

"Fine," Spike sighed, shaking his head. "So how was your date?"

Xander looked almost scared.

"Date?"

"Yeah, you know…" Spike raised his eyebrows. "the woman you ditched me for in the club?"

Xander remembered going to the club and pretty much abandoning Spike straight away. He'd sent him a message from his mobile once he had spotted Cordy, saying he had met some hot brunet and was going back to her place.

"Oh, yeah. It was great, she's a keeper that one." he smiled, Spike shook his head at him.

"You say that about every woman you go home with lately"

"And I mean it every time." Xander smiled thinking of Cordy, he felt bad for lying to his best friend every time he went out to meet Cordy but he knew it was better this way… for now.

"Yeah, right." Spike laughed "So what was this one's name?" Xander was shaking with nerves, thinking fast he replied.

"Lizzy." Elizabeth was the first person to pop into his head, cutting her name short it just flew out of his mouth.

"You know," Spike raised one eyebrow. "It occurs to me that in the past year I haven't even met one of these b **"****Keeper****"**/b girls."

Xander swallowed the lump that had been forming in his throat, it was getting harder and harder to lie to him and he felt guilty every day. Spike was his best friend, had been since they where kids but he loved Cordelia and he couldn't lose her.

"Enough about me," Xander laughed. "What happened with you last night after I left? Anyone grab your attention?" Xander smiled praying, begging that he would drop it and much to his relief he did.

"Yeah," Spike whispered, moving past Xander and into the kitchen to put the kettle on.

"Doesn't sound promising."

Spike turned to face him, leaning back onto the counter and taking a deep breath.

"Actually, it was great. We talked, we drank, danced a little and then she came back here for the night." Xander looked beyond shocked.

"You what? Wait, you actually asked her back here?" He pointed to the floor. "To your house, here?"

"Yeah…" Spike nodded, a smile playing on the edge of his mouth. "She was like no one I've ever met before, she's smart, sexy and funny. I wanted to get to know her, not just disappear in the morning, you know." He met Xander's eyes. "But when I woke up she was gone."

"I'm sorry, man." Xander whispered.

"Probably my own fault, you know karma and what not… Done it to so many women since Dru…" he shrugged. "What goes around comes around I guess," he sighed.

"Mate, Dru put you through the ringer, it's only natural that you wouldn't want anything serious after that and hey," he smiled. "Maybe this girl will show up again, I mean she knows where you live."

"Somehow I don't think so," Spike whispered.

"This smart, sexy, funny girl… what was her name?" Spike looked up at his friend, taking a deep breath.

"Doesn't really matter anymore does it?" he replied, moving past him and heading for the bathroom.

Xander sighed, he had never seen Spike like this at least not since Drusilla bi _"__Bitch__"_/i/b he couldn't help but think about Drusilla. He hoped Spike was wrong and he hoped that this mystery woman showed up again someday, hopefully sooner rather than later.


	4. Broken Promises

_Chapter four_

_Broken promises._

Buffy pulled up at her house and let out a sigh, it had been a long and annoying drive home from L.A to Sunnydale. First, Cordy had nagged her non-stop about who she had spent the night with and then once she had realized that her lips were sealed and wasn't going to tell her a thing, she went on to tell her how amazing her night with Xander had been. Buffy had to stop her best friend on more than one occasion for over sharing.

Cordy had spent majority of the drive thanking Buffy repeatedly for taking the trip with her and of course, going out to the club too. The silence after that had been brief, Cordy had gone back to nagging, trying to get a name out of her. Buffy had simply smiled, saying she wasn't the type to kiss and tell and besides, there was nothing to tell, she had simply stepped out early for breakfast. Cordelia had huffed, not believing Buffy for a second.

For the first time in four years Buffy was glad to sit in her car in silence, breathing in deeply as she drove away from Cordelia's house.

Stepping out of her car, she grabbed her bag from the back seat and locked the doors. She started across the front lawn and was halfway to the front door when she noticed her mother's four-wheel drive in the drive way. Her mother wasn't supposed to be home for a few more hours. Hesitantly she walked inside, the smell of freshly cooked pancakes filled the house and she couldn't help but smile. Buffy dropped her bag near the staircase and walked into the kitchen, smiling at her mother Joyce.

"Hi sweetie. Where have you been?" Joyce asked with a smile.

"Oh um… I stayed at Cordy's over the weekend."

"That's nice, do you want some pancakes?"

"Yes please," she smiled, taking a seat at the kitchen bench.

"So did you girls have fun over the weekend?" Buffy's mind imminently flashed back to last night.

Her body flush with Spike's as they lay on his bed, a tangled mess of arms and legs, sweating, moaning and thrusting against each other as they screamed in release.

"Uh huh." Buffy swallowed hard, shaking the memories from her mind as she tried desperately to focus on anything but the ache that was now between her legs.

"That's good." Joyce smiled, turning off the stove and placing a large plate of pancakes in front of Buffy. She took a seat across from Buffy, her own plate of pancakes in front of her.

"Buffy, there's something I need to talk to you about." Joyce said, looking up from her plate to meet Buffy's eyes.

Buffy thought she might choke on her mouthful of pancakes at the serious look of her mother's face. i _"__Oh god! She knows I lied about being at Cordy__'__s on the weekend. I__'__m a dead woman.__"_/i her mind screamed. i _"__Stay cool Buffy. That might not be what she wants to talk to you about.__"_/i

"What is it mom?" Buffy smiled, trying to look innocent.

"It's about Christmas," Buffy let out a soft sigh in relief. "You see, I know I promised I would be here but…"

"Please don't say you have to go out of town on business?" Buffy begged, her eyes pleading. Joyce felt guilt rush over her at the saddened expression on her daughters face,

"I'm so sorry, sweetie." she whispered.

"You're not going to be here for Christmas?"

"I'll be home Christmas morning I promise you but the weeks before that while your on your break I won't be… I have to fly to England to meet a very important client…"

"Who's more important than spending time with your only daughter?" Buffy snapped.

"No one, sweetie…please let me finish Elizabeth." Buffy knew that when her mother used her first name it was time to be quiet.

"This client it a very big art collector and he likes to invest in businesses like mine," she met Buffy's eyes. "Buffy, if I can get this guy on board it means finally getting rid of your fathers debts and that means I can cut back my hours at work, be home more with you… like it use to be." Buffy's face lit up, hope in her eyes.

"Really?"

"Really."

"Okay, but where will I be staying? 'Cause you know I'm old enough to stay home alone now."

"You're 16 years old."

"I turn 17 in three weeks." Buffy said, determined. Joyce shook her head and Buffy knew this was one argument she wasn't going to win.

"I talked to Jenny and Giles last week when I thought I might have to take the trip and they are more than happy for you to stay with them over the school break." Buffy sighed, defeated.

"Fine… at lease I'll get to hang with Cordy." She smiled, trying to look on the bright side.

"You're such a good girl Elizabeth, so grown up… Things are finally starting to look up," she let out a sigh. "I know things have been hard the past couple of years but…." Joyce started but Buffy was quick to stop her.

"It's not your fault mom, none of it…it's his fault." Buffy said in a dark tone, thinking of her father.

"He has a name."

"You're right, he does… jerk?" Joyce shook her head.

"Elizabeth…"

"Fine… Hank." she spat.

"He's your father."

"I don't have a father." Buffy simply stated. It was true as far as she was concerned, her father was gone, dead… he was barely a father when he had lived with them, constantly putting her down. When she was only 14 he had ran off with his 18 year old secretary to Spain, a woman who was only four years older than her and 22 years younger than he was. The icing on the cake was that he'd left her and Joyce to clean up his financial mess, making Joyce have to work ridiculously long hours and spend vast amounts of time away from Buffy.

"I'm going to have a shower." Buffy told said, sliding off her stool and placing some more pancake in her mouth before she left, grabbing her bag from the staircase before heading up stairs to shower.


	5. Secret Number One

_Chapter 5_

_Secret number one._

Buffy put the last of her clothes into the cupboard and zipped up her suit case before sliding it under the bed. She looked around the guest bedroom that Jenny had prepared for her and let out a sigh, her mother hadn't even been gone twenty four hours and already she missed her.

Buffy thought that when her mother had returned to full time work that she would eventually get used to seeing very little of her but she never did… she always missed her.

She sat back down on the bed and closed her eyes, rubbing her temples in an attempt to chase her growing headache away. She was jolted from her relaxed state when she heard a soft tap at the door, turning her head towards the sound she smiled, Cordy was smiling softly at her from the doorway.

"Can I come in?"

"Of course."

Cordy shut the door behind her and walked across the room, taking a seat next to her best friend.

"Are you okay?" she asked, clearly concerned.

"Yeah, just tired."

"You're a terrible liar… You're angry at her?"

"No! I could never be angry at her. She works her butt off for us so I have everything I need or want. She's earning the money to pay his debts so we don't have to struggle… I just miss her." she whispered.

"So you're still angry with him?" Buffy stood from the bed, running a hand through her hair as she began to pace the room trying to calm herself.

"I don't want to talk about it, Cordy." Buffy sighed, crossing her arms over her chest.

"You can't stay mad at him forever, Buffy. He's your father."

"My father is dead to me," her eyes darkened. "He has been since the moment he chose that bottle blonde, bimbo sectary over his family… I mean…God!" She let out a shudder. "How disgusting is it she was only b **just **/b eighteen. He's over twenty years her senior! She only wanted him for his money and of course he took every last cent he and my mother had saved up together, leaving us to pay his bills and clean up the mess." Buffy started to rant. Cordy knew she needed to vent, jumping when Buffy's voice rose.

"You know she used to baby sit me, right? That's how they first met, she was only sixteen then and I know it's wrong but I keep wondering if he was fucking her then too… Gross! The thought makes me sick to my stomach, he's old enough to be her father." Buffy met Cordelia's gaze. "She's only four years older than me, that's just…ehg!. Harmony Kendal, I hate her! She destroyed my family." Buffy felt her eyes well and refused to let her tears fall. "Of all the idiot bimbos in this world why her? Why my family? Why my dad?"

Cordy's heart broke for her friend, Buffy hadn't called Hank b **"****Her dad****"** /b in two years. She stood and wrapped her arms around Buffy, patting her hair as she cried.

"It's going to be okay, I promise." Buffy nodded, hoping that she was right, wanting more than anything to believe her friends words.

"I hate him, I hate them both." Buffy whispered, her blood boiling at the thought of Hank and Harmony. Cordy couldn't help but let a tear fall down her check at her friends admission.

Her heart broke just a little bit more. Buffy was more than just her best friend she was like the sister she never had.

The sound of a car door slamming knocked Cordy from her thoughts. She glanced past Buffy and out the window, her eyes widening at what she saw, Her brother walking up the drive way with Xander in tow.

Buffy turned and followed Cordy's gaze and only saw Xander.

"You didn't tell me Xander was coming over."

"I only just found out myself. William said he had a friend staying with us over Christmas. God! Buffy, how am I going to be that close to him all holidays and not touch him?" Buffy smiled softly at her friend.

"How about this? I will do my best to distract your brother and get him out of the house so you can," she let out cough. "Or you and Xander can go out of the house. I'll distract while you guys make with the TLC."

"Oh my god! That would be awesome, I love you." Cordy squealed, jumping up and down like an excited child, Buffy watched on in amusement.

"Your welcome."

Cordy hugged her tight and turned towards the door. "Come on, I'll introduce you to my brother, you're going to love him."

"I'll be there in a sec just going to the bathroom. I must look like a mess," Buffy wiped the tears from her cheeks, trying to not smudge her makeup. Cordy smiled, bouncing down the stairs

"Will!" she smiled, jumping into her brothers open arms and hugging him tight.

"I have asked you repeatedly to call me Spike." He hugged her back.

"And I have told you repeatedly that was never gonna happen." Cordy smiled, turning to look at Xander who was laughing at them.

"Shut up, Harris." Spike snapped, which only made Xander laugh more.

"Good to see you again, Xander." Cordy smiled, hugging him for longer than she should have. She wanted more than anything to kiss him long, hard and deep but she knew she couldn't. Instead she settled for breathing in his cologne before she finally stepped back.

"So," Spike drawled out. "Who's this friend of yours that's going to be staying over the holidays? Mom said her name was Elizabeth."

"Yeah, she's my best friend and we go to school together."

"I suppose she's a cheerleader too."

"As a matter of fact, yes." Cordy smiled. "Elizabeth isn't just some ditz with pom poms. She's very smart and she has been a really good friend to me over the years so please," she met his eyes. "be nice to her."

"I'll be on my bestest behaviour… I promise." He smirked as Cordy narrowed her eyes.

Buffy headed down stair quietly, not wanting to interrupt their conversation. Xander and who she assumed was Cordelia's brother, were off to the side placing their jackets on their holders. When she reached Cordy she tapped her on the shoulder, only seeing the back of William as he hung up his jacket.

"Oh hey, you. William this is Elizabeth but she likes Buffy for short. Buffy, this is my brother William."

Spike turned around, his eyes widening in shock at who stood before him. As soon as theirs eyes met Buffy though she was going to fall over. William was Spike.

bi_ Oh fuck! _/i/b

Spike was who she'd met at Caritas in L.A. two months ago. It was Spike who she'd told she was twenty one years old right before they slept together.

Spike was Cordy's older, over protective brother? She was a dead woman.

"It's nice to meet you … William." Buffy all but whispered, hoping, praying that he would play along as she stretched out her arm offering her hand.

"You too, Elizabeth." Spike nodded, his mind running a mile a minute. Deciding it was best to play along in front of his sister he took her hand and gave it a shake before letting it go.

Cordy wondered for a moment if they knew each other but thought better of it. William had never visited them in Sunnydale before, they had always gone to him in L.A. and Buffy had lived her whole life here in quiet little Sunnydale. With a smile she shook the ridicules thought from her mind and picked up her brothers bags from the floor.

"Yeah okay, you guys are so weird, Xander would you help me up stairs with William's bags?"

"Sure," Xander smiled, thankful that they would finally get a moment alone together. Buffy wanted to scream out to Cordy to not leave her alone but when she watched them race up the stairs she knew it was too late.

"Elizabeth?" Spike whispered, Buffy looked up and met his eyes.

"Elizabeth Buffy Summers but I go by Buffy… Spike?"

"It's a nick name I picked up in high school, I prefer it." Buffy nodded and quickly glanced down, unsure of what to say or do.

"You told me you were twenty one… How old are you?"

Buffy swallowed hard before answering honestly.

"seventeen… as of six weeks ago"

"Oh my god!" Spike whispered, eyes widening as he ran a hand through his hair. "That means when we… you where sixteen years old?"

"Yes."

"Do you know what kind of trouble I could get into? You were a child, you still are!" he whispered harshly.

"I'm not some dumb kid and I'm not a child, not even close! I'm sorry I lied to you but I was in a club," she met his eyes, starting to get angry. "I wasn't going to admit to a stranger that I was only sixteen.. I never meant for us to sleep together, it just happened."

"It can never happen again."

Buffy felt her heart break, she had dreamed about this man for the past two months. She'd spent hours remembering every detail from their night together and wondering if things might have been different if she had stayed that morning instead of leaving but now she was glad she hadn't.

"What makes you think I want anything to happen again," growled, her chest rising and falling with each breath.

"What happened between us was a one time thing. It shouldn't have happened at all. I know that and its not like I go around doing that all the time… actually I never have," she knew she was lying to him but she desperately wanted him to believe her not wanting to show her hurt.

Spikes head shot up, not sure if he could be shocked any more.

"You mean you where a virgin?"

"What? No… " Buffy's eyes widened. "I just meant that I've never had a one night stand before." Spike sighed in relief.

"Fine, then we agree we'll never mention it again." Buffy nodded in agreement.

"Good, it was just a mistake." Spike whispered, swiftly turning around and walking up the stairs.

Buffy felt her heart break, she had wanted to tell him it hadn't been a mistake and that it was real and honest. It had been more real and honest then anything she had ever had before… Instead she said nothing, she was in love with him and he thought of their time together as a mistake. Buffy let a tear slip from her eye, quickly wiping it away before making her way to her room.

Spike walked into his old room, closing the door behind him and letting out a deep breath. His bags lay on his bed and he assumed Xander was in the other guest room unpacking. He took in a few deep breaths and tried to calm himself, his heart beating erratically. He'd spent two whole months looking for Buffy, he'd spent two months asking around the college trying to see if anyone knew her and now here she was, in his house and he couldn't have her.

_ib__**"**__**It was a mistake,**__**"**____/b/i _he kept telling himself, desperately trying to convince himself that he wasn't in love with her, that she was just another one night stand.

But she wasn't.

She was only seventeen years old and because of that she was completely off limits. It was true that he was only five years older than her but his time with Drusilla had taught him a valuable lesson. Get what you need and get out…

Never date anyone older or younger then you are, it only leads to disaster.


	6. Confessions

_Chapter 6_

_Confessions _

Buffy had spent the past two days hiding away in her room, telling Cordy and her parents that she wasn't feeling well and just wanted to rest. Jenny and Giles had brought it, making her chicken soup and tea in the hope that it would help her feel better but Cordy wasn't as easily fooled.

Cordy had asked her a few times what was really wrong but had quickly dropped it knowing that Buffy would talk to her about it when she was ready. With a sigh, Cordy prepared herself and knocked on Buffy's bedroom door. Once she heard Buffy's muffled 'come in', she entered with a smile and joined her on the bed.

She didn't need to say anything, by the look on Buffy's face Cordy knew she knew why she was there., Buffy sighed before smiling.

It was time.

"I'm sorry I've been hiding up here," she smiled sheepishly.

"It's okay; you want to tell me why though?"

Buffy looked down at her hands, almost ashamed as she played with the hem of her shirt.

"I don't want to lose your friendship," she whispered. "you're my best friend."

"Buffy, there is nothing in this world that you could do that would make me stop talking to you. You're like a sister to me."

Buffy smiled, hoping and praying that her secret wouldn't destroy them. She took a much needed deep breath and began.

"This isn't the first time I've meet your brother." Buffy couldn't look Cordy in the eyes, instead she kept her eyes down.

"Will?" Cordy asked, confused. Looking up, Buffy nodded.

"I meet him as Spike though." She swallowed the lump in her throat and continued. "I met him two months ago on that trip to L.A." Cordy at first looked confused but it quickly registered what her best friend was trying to tell her.

"Oh my god! Will was the guy you went home with that night?" Buffy only nodded in response, looking down ashamed and kind of scared. "You slept with my brother?" Buffy's head shot up at the confusion in Cordys voice. Panic gripped her, terrified she was about to lose the most amazing friend she had ever had.

"I didn't know he was your brother. If I did I never would have slept with him you have to believe that. I would never betray you like that…" Buffy started on a long and panicked rant.

"Buffy. Buffy calm down… it's cool." Cordy let out a laugh, holding in her giggle at Buffy's confusion.

"You're laughing…Why are you laughing?"

"I'm sorry," Cordy suppressed another giggle. "It's just, I was actually going to try and set you guys up over Christmas. I guess I don't have to now." She smiled, her proud grin only lasting a few seconds.

Buffy looked crushed.

"It's over Cordy… Whatever Spike and I had, it's over." She whispered, feeling her heart break.

"What? Why? You're perfect for each other, trust me I know."

"I'm seventeen years old and he's twenty two-"

"Yeah and?" Cordy cut in. "Xander's twenty two and I'm only seventeen."

"It's different," Buffy whispered sadly. "We talked and he made his thoughts about the two of us ever having a relationship very clear." She sighed, letting a tear fall.

"My brother's an idiot."

Buffy laughed and started wiping her tears away.

"He would be lucky to have someone like you… I swear this is all Drusilla's fault." Cordy sighed.

"Who?" Buffy asked, confused and intrigued.

"My brothers ex," Cordy almost spat out. "She was a real evil witch if you ask me. I hated her from the word go but William loved her so…" She shrugged. "They met when he was only sixteen and she was twenty four and they dated for around four years." Her shoulders dropped. "We all knew she was cheating on him but my parents were so afraid of losing him… Anyway, on the day of his graduation he went to her apartment to propose and found her in bed with another guy."

Buffy's mouth dropped open in a silent 'O'.

"William was devastated. She ended up moving to England with the guy and Will went onto college but he was never the same. He lost that sweetness… After that followed a string of one night stands. He refused to get close to another girl again and got this stubborn notion that dating someone older or younger then yourself was a recipe for disaster…" Cordy let out a deep sigh. "Another reason why Xander and I haven't told him the truth yet." She explained, rolling her eyes.

"I'm starting to get a clear picture of where his head is now. No wonder he freaked." Buffy sighed.

"You know why William freaked? Because he fell for you." Buffy laughed at this.

"Oh yeah, he fell real hard," she replied sarcastically.

"My brother b **NEVER **/b takes his one night stands back to his place b **EVER! **/b To many uncomfortable conversations he says, better to go to her place so he can slip out in the middle of the night. Trust me, he likes you. Now we just have to make him see that you're not like Dru."

"No! Please Cordy, just leave it." Buffy begged.

"You like him, I know you do."

"Please, I'm begging you to leave it. We're just not meant to be."

Cordy sighed in defeat.

"Fine but only if you promise to come out of this room," she stood. "Mom is taking us on a girl's only shopping spree."

"I don't have any money."

"Don't worry dad gave us the credit card."

"Oh no I couldn't."

"Mom insisted. Now I promise not to say anything to William but you have to get off your mopey butt right now and come shopping with me." Buffy laughed and took Cordy's outstretched hand and stood up.

"Okay." She smiled and embraced her best friend in a hug. "I love you." She whispered.

"I love you too." Cordy smiled back.

Buffy quickly grabbed her purse and mobile before heading out of the room and down the stairs.

_**bi**__**"**__**Note to self. Talk to Xander tonight and make a plan to get Buffy and William together.**__**"**__**/i/b **_Cordy thought to herself, smiling wickedly. True she had promised to stay out of it but some promises needed to be broken. Buffy and William deserved to be happy and she knew that they belonged together.

Smiling happily at the morning's event, she shut the guest room door before following Buffy down the stairs.


	7. Starting a new

_Chapter 7._

_Starting a new._

Buffy did not feel well.

Not only was she running a slight fever and struggling to fight the oncoming nausea but she had aching joints and was house bound. The doctor had reassured Jenny that is was only a 48 hour bug and that with a good night's rest and some chicken soup, she would be as good as new.

Jenny and Giles had wanted to postpone their weekend away to L.A but Buffy had insisted that she would be fine. Cordy, William and Xander were there should she need anything and if anything went wrong they where only a few hours away.

So finally, after much protest, they had left for their romantic weekend away, leaving William and Xander in charge. Jenny had made a fuss and insisted that they keep a list with all their contact numbers should they need them.

Cordy was itching to get out of the house and spend some time alone with Xander, so when William left the lounge room to go get a drink she jumped out of her seat. She almost ran across the room to Buffy, who was laying on the lounge wrapped up in a doona.

"I need a favour." Cordy whispered quickly.

"What?" Buffy asked.

"I need you to help me convince William that Xander and I should go to the movies."

Buffy felt panic rise up inside her, a night alone with Spike? No! They hadn't said a word to each other since he'd told her that their time together was a mistake.

"What? No! Please Cordy, I can't be alone with your brother." Buffy replied, sounding panicked.

"Please Buffy," Cordy's lower lip formed a pout. "You said you'd help me get time alone with Xander and they've been here two weeks and we haven't spent even two seconds alone yet."

Buffy sighed, feeling guilty for not keeping to her word.

"I know what I said Cordy and I'm sorry I haven't kept my word but I made that promise before I realized William was Spike." She whispered.

"I know and I understand but please Buffy," Cordy grabbed Buffy's hand and met her gaze. "I'm begging you. They're playing New Moon at the cinemas in town and you know I've been waiting for it to come out and William knows for a fact that Xander has been dying to see it too," her eyes lit up. "It's the perfect cover."

Sighing, Buffy knew she wasn't going to win this argument.

"Okay," she nodded, startled when Cordy jumped up and let out a silent squeal of delight before embracing her in a hug.

"You are the best! I love you." Cordy squealed, practically jumping up and down.

"Oh don't squish me so much," Buffy groaned. "I feel like I'm going to puke already." Cordy quickly let her go.

"Sorry, wait I can't go out with you feeling sick." Cordy instantly felt bad for not putting her best friends needs first. Buffy was about to reply when Xander and Spike walked in, cutting her off.

"Who's going out?" Spike asked, confused.

"Cordy and Xander are," Cordy's eyes widened. "G-going to see New Moon." Buffy stuttered, startled by Spikes sudden appearance. Cordy sighed in relief and smiled brightly.

"Why would Xander want to go to the movies with my kid sister?" Spike asked, sounding so arrogant that Buffy wanted to stand up and smack him in the face.

"She's not a kid, she's seventeen years old." Buffy raised an eyebrow. "And maybe because they both love and have been dying to see New Moon. They're friends too you know." Buffy replied smartly, feeling proud when she noticed the shocked look on Spike's face.

_**biArrogant jerk. I**__**'**__**ll show him he can**__**'**__**t walk all over me./i/b **_she couldn't help but think.

"Hey, I'm keen." Xander quickly piped in. Spike spun to face him a strange look on his face. "I love The Twilight Saga dude, you know that." he quickly explained.

"Fine, but be home by midnight." he almost growled.

"Yes dad." Cordy laughed, giving Buffy a kiss on the check before she and Xander headed out.

Buffy stood, ready to go to the kitchen when Cordy popped her head back inside.

"And Spike,"

"Hmm?"

"Take care of Buffy for me please?" she smiled at him.

"Of course." He nodded, watching as she spun and left. Buffy and Spike stood there for a moment, rooted in the same spot unsure of what to say or do. Spike was hoping this wouldn't happen, that they wouldn't be forced into an uncomfortable b**"****Alone with each other****"****/b **situation. Sighing, Spike figured he better do as his sister asked and take care of her. He ran a hand through his curls and turned to face her.

"Do you need anything?" he asked but the question and the look on his face made it seem like she was an inconvenience.

"I can take care of myself." Buffy snapped, annoyed, she brushed past him and towards the kitchen to get a soda.

Spike regretted the words as soon as they left his mouth. He followed her into the kitchen and grasped her arm, turning her around to face him. His shoulders sagged in defeat when she pulled back like he had burnt her.

"Look," Spike sighed. "I'm sorry I know I'm coming off as a jerk but this isn't easy for me."

"And what?" Buffy raised her eyebrow. "It is for me? I'm trying to be grown up about this and you're acting like you're the seventeen year old." She couldn't help but snap.

"_**Ouch! Kitty**__**'**__**s got claws.**__**"**___he thought but he knew she was right, he was acting like a brat.

"You're right and I'm sorry… Maybe we could wipe the slate clean and start again?" He offered. "I'm William, Cordy's older, annoying over protective big brother." he said extending his hand, Buffy laughed and took his offered hand.

"I'm Elizabeth, Cordy's best friend."

They stood in an awkward silence for a few minutes before she turned and headed for the kitchen again, Spike not far behind. He watched as Buffy opened a can of lemonade, taking a few sips before speaking.

"You know I meant what I said before about Cordelia… she's not a kid anymore. She's seventeen years old, old enough to date." Spike raised an eyebrow. "End of next year she'll be heading off to college, old enough to have sex." Spike's head shot up.

"Over my dead body!" He snapped. "How old where you when you started having sex Spike?… I mean Will-"

"Spike's fine luv and that's irrelevant."

Buffy couldn't help but laugh.

"No it's totally relevant. How old?" he sighed, giving in.

"Sixteen." he answered honestly.

"Younger then what Cordy is now." Buffy took a few more sips from her can. "So why is she so different?"

"She's my baby sister."

"No, she was your baby sister. Now she's a teenager heading into adulthood… I only say this because I know she worries. Your opinion matters to her and she holds back because of it and she'll end up missing out on some great stuff." She informed him.

"Like what?"

"The peace and freedom to do what she wants, with whomever she wants, without having to hide it." She finished off her can and placed it on the bench. "You should think about that." She whispered, before moving past him and back into the lounge room.

Spike stood in the kitchen stunned, how was it that this girl was only just seventeen? She was so mature for her age and he knew she was right about Cordelia. He needed to start giving her some freedom, he just didn't want to see her hurt like he was with Drusilla but he knew it was up to her to make her own choices good or bad.

Spike moved through the house and came to stop across from Buffy, she was laying back on the lounge with her eyes closed and her breathing steady. She was clearly asleep.

He still had feelings for her, even more now since their talk, she may only be seventeen but she was mature for her age and wise. He didn't know how he was going to get through the holidays without touching her.

Spike wanted her in every way possible, wanted to touch her, hold her, love her, fuck her but he knew it was never going to happen, it couldn't. Buffy was still only seventeen no matter how mature or wise she was. Running a shaky hand through his curls he knew he needed to put some space between them and fast, heading up stairs he moved towards the bathroom.

He needed a cold shower and fast.


	8. Bribing you with ice cream

_Chapter 8_

_Bribing you with ice cream_

Buffy could do nothing to stop it; She saw Jenny reaching for Cordy's bedroom door as she stepped out of the bathroom. She moved fast in hopes of catching Jenny before she could enter the room but when the door flew open and Jenny came to a abrupt halt she knew it was too late.

Sighing, she moved closer to look into the room seeing Cordy and Xander just pulling apart from a passionate kiss. She felt guilt flood through her; she had promised to keep an eye out so they could have some time alone but she had desperately needed to go to the bathroom. She had only been gone a moment but it seemed a moment was long enough.

She watched Xander stand about to offer what Buffy assumed would be an explanation but Jenny raising her hand stopped him.

"Rupert could you come here please," Jenny called out, "Buffy dear could you please keep William distracted, I would rather he didn't find out this way." Buffy nodded numbly looking over at Cordy.

"I'm sorry," she whispered to her, Cordelia smiled softly understanding. She could tell that Cordy didn't blame her but it didn't help to ease her guilt. Moving down the stairs Giles passed her on his way up; Buffy wasn't paying attention when she almost ran right into Spike's firm chest.

"What's going on up there?" he asked confused. She turned looking up the stairs sighing, turning back to face him, putting on her biggest fakest smile she did the only thing she could do, She lied.

"Nothing, just Xander playing a practical joke on your mom," she laughed, Spike sighed Buffy guessed Xander was a practical joker from way back by the look on his face.

"I better go save him from my mother's wrath," he said attempting to move past her.

"Your mom has it covered. Cordy was telling me about this awesome ice cream place that just opened up a few blocks from here and I have a wicked craving, you wanna come, my treat," she put on the sweetest smile she could muster but she could still see the uncertainty in his eyes.

"Buffy I…" she quickly cut him off, "Just as friends, we're meant to be starting over right, so what's a better way to get to know each other than a chat over ice cream."

"Okay fine but I'm buying."

"I guess I can live with that," she smiled in relief, as well as excitement, it was just a chat over ice cream but it was also time… time alone with him.

"I'll just let mom know we're going out," he said walking up the stairs; fear gripped her as she chased him and gripped his arm.

"I've got it, Jenny, Giles, William and I are going out for ice cream, be back soon," she yelled up the stairs.

"Okay have fun kids," Jenny called back, Buffy smiled at him but Spike looked slightly confused. She was acting strange, jumpy even. Watching her grab her coat and open the door Spike decided to let it go, grabbing his coat and following her out the door.

Buffy and Spike had, had a blast, the afternoon had started out with just a simple chat over ice cream. They had talked about everything: family, friends, school, Cordy and of course past loves. They had then driven to Spike's favorite spot, Sunnydale lookout.

The sun was just starting to go down and Buffy realized as she stepped out of Spike's car just how beautiful Sunnydale truly was.

"Wow it's beautiful here, how did you find out about this place?" she asked as they stood looking out over the town.

"I use to bring Drusilla here," they had briefly talked about Dru; he didn't say much, just that he had loved her and she had left him for someone else.

"I'm surprised you've never been here luv."

"I have, we were parked over there in the shrubs," she said pointing at a small clearing in the bushes, "I didn't recognize it at first, didn't really get to see this part of it"

"We? As in you and a guy?"

"Angel O'Connor, we dated for a little over three months when he brought me here after the spring dance. I thought I loved him and he loved me," taking a deep breath she continued, "I was wrong."

"About him or you?"

"Both," she whispered, he knew he shouldn't pry but every part of him was itching to know.

"What Happened?"

"We slept together in the back seat of his car; I thought he loved me. It was the first time I had sex; after that he started avoiding me, acting strange and then about a week or so later the rumors started," she whispered.

"Rumors?"

"That the only reason he had asked me out was because his stupid jock friends had bet him that he couldn't bed me, sweet, virginal, innocent, Elizabeth Summers. I confronted him and it turned out to be all true and he dumped me," she sighed. He couldn't help but feel bad for her. He would like to rip this Angel's head off, instead he placed a supportive hand on her shoulder.

"I'm sorry luv, I'm sorry you had to go through that," she smiled softly at his words.

"It's okay, it was six months ago but I'm over it. If it wasn't for Cordy I don't think I would have gotten through it though," she whispered.

"What do you mean?" he asked confused.

"Angel is the star quarter back. Mr. Popularity; all the guys wanted to be him and all the girls wanted him and most of all no one was game enough to put him in his place, except Cordy. It drove him crazy she was the only one who turned him down.

"She told him the only chance he would have with her was if she was unconscious," Buffy began to laugh and Spike joined in, "she wouldn't let him put me down and when she heard him telling his friends that I was bad in bed and not worth a second go, she broke his nose," Buffy smiled at the memory. Spike gasped in shock, his little baby sister had broken a full grown man's nose?

"You're kidding when was this?"

"Around six months ago."

"Why didn't my parents tell me about this?"

"Well she didn't get into heaps of trouble. You see when she heard him say that stuff about me she went up to him and pulled him aside and told him if he didn't shut his mouth about me and stop spreading lies she would tell the entire cheerleading squad how small him dick was," Buffy laughed out loud.

"She went to walk off and he grabbed her on the arm hard enough to bruise her, she warned him to let go but he wouldn't so she punched him in the nose, breaking it. One of the teaches had seen the whole thing and stood up for her to Principle Snyder, she ended up with a week worth of detention," Spike smiled, proud Cordy could defiantly take care of herself.

"She's a good friend, I owe her a lot, if it wasn't for her the rumors might never have stopped. I was so embarrassed," she whispered looking down at her feet, he placed a finger under her chin forcing her to look at him.

"This Angel is a git! And he's wrong luv, you are amazing, wonderful, and beautiful, caring person who deserves more than some wanker who can't see what he I can tell you for a fact that you are amazing in bed; had me dreaming about it for weeks afterwards," she blushed at this but she couldn't help but wonder if she was so great then why didn't he want her anymore?

Maybe Angel was right, maybe she wasn't worth a second go.

"So does that make you a git too?" she smiled trying to keep it light.

"Maybe," he whispered, he wanted her, god he wanted her so bad, she smiled softly at him as he looked up into her eyes, she could see him moving closer to her, only moments now and his lips would be on hers.

Her heart was pounding in her ears, she had been hoping, praying that he would see her this way again. His lips brushed softly on hers, so softly they felt like feathers but the ringing of her mobile phone must have halted him and he abruptly pulled back, moving away from her as she answered it, running his hands through his hair he sighed.

_**bi"To close"/i/b**_ he thought, he had let himself get too close to her again. He didn't know if he could do this, make it through the Christmas break with her, without touching her. Maybe he should just head back to L.A; no his parents wouldn't let him, he hadn't spent a Christmas with them in four years and he wanted to spend time with them too.

bi_** "Suck it up mate" /i/b **_he told himself, he just needed to keep his distance from her and everything would be fine. He turned to face her when he heard the mobile phone click close.

"It was Cordy she wants me to go shopping with her," Buffy smiled nervously, should she mention the almost kiss?

"Right I'll drive you home," he said sounding almost annoyed, quickly hopping into his car and revving the engine bi_**"Guess not"/i/b **_she thought slipping into the passenger seat, starring out the car window silently the rest of the way home.


	9. Conversations

_Chapter 9_

_Conversations._

The drive back to the Giles' had been made in silence. Neither had dared bring up the b**"almost kiss."**/b Once they had arrived home Buffy had stepped out the car and watched as Spike sped away; no good-bye, no "tell my folks I'll be back later," he had just taken off.

Sighing, she turned to head inside but was greeted by a bubbly Cordelia, who dragged her from the house down the street, heading for the closest mall they could find. After some much needed shopping they had sat down for a smoothie and Cordy had filled her in on the conversation with her parents.

"I couldn't believe it Buffy; they were great about it all. No lecture about our age difference or the fact that Xander was William's best friend. The only reason they were mad about at all was because we had been sneaking around," Cordy laughed

"Mom actually blamed herself. She thought we were being secretive because she was unapproachable, but once we explained that we only kept it a secret because of Will they were totally understanding. They even agreed not to tell William about our relationship until we're ready, but only on the condition that from now on we're always honest with them about everything, and no more secret kissing or anything in the house because they don't want Will walking in on us and finding out like that. If we want time alone mom said her and dad will find a way for us to go out together so William's not suspicious." Buffy smiled, happy for her friend.

Buffy had been so worried Jenny and Giles would be upset with Cordy and make a huge fuss, but she knew she should of known better; all they wanted was for Cordy to be happy.

"And they don't mind keeping it a secret from Spike?" Buffy asked, surprised.

"Don't get me wrong; they're not thrilled. But they understand why we want it that way till I'm older. They know how over protective he can be… Oh, Buffy, things are starting to finally work out. I'm so glad my parents know the truth; I hated keeping it from them," Cordy sighed happily.

While Buffy was happy for Xander and Cordy she couldn't help but think about Spike and what had almost happened between them. He had left so abruptly and had almost seemed angry with her.

"Buffy, is something wrong?" Cordy asked, taking in her friend's saddened expression.

"What? No, no nothing's wrong." Buffy answered far too quickly for Cordy's liking; Buffy was clearly thinking about something.

"You know, I got the impression when I called you before that I was interrupting something." Buffy sighed at Cordy's observation.

"That's probably 'because you did," she smiled sadly.

"Oh my god! Tell me everything," Cordy demanded.

"Nothing to tell," she replied, sighing. Cordy knew at that moment something was very wrong; it wasn't like Buffy to be so down. Touching her best friend's shoulder, she looked her in the eyes.

"Buffy what happened?" she asked, clearly concerned.

"It's silly, really."

"If it's upsetting you then it couldn't be silly," Buffy smiled at this; Cordy always knew how to make her smile.

"I just meant to get him out of the house so you and your parents could talk, but then it was like we had known each other for years. We talked about everything: school, college, our families, he told me about Drusilla…" Buffy was cut short but a stunned Cordelia.

"Wait, what? He told you about Dru?"

"Well, he didn't go into detail, but yeah, he told me they were together a few years, that he loved her and she had cheated on him, how it hurt him."

"Wow! I mean it's just my brother has b**NEVER/b** talked to anyone about what happened between him and Dru, not even Xander. The only reason any of us found out was because Xander saw Dru in town with her b**"new"/b** boyfriend just before she left for England and we all put two and two together… this is b**huge/b** Buffy, I mean massive. I knew he liked you but this just proves how much." Cordy couldn't believe it. Her head was spinning; for William to open up to someone about Drusilla was a huge step and proved just what Cordy had thought.

William was in love with Buffy.

"I think you're reading too much into it Cordy…. I told him about Angel."

"What?"

"Yeah. It all just came pouring out. I told him about how I thought I loved him and how he had used me, about everything he said and did. It felt good to let it all out." Cordy was stunned; Buffy had only ever told her about the ins and outs of her and Angel's twisted relationship.

"He told me how sorry he was that I had to go through that, and that Angel was a git," Buffy laughed, "for letting me go and for putting me through that, that I deserved better. He made me feel… special"

"Then why do you look so down?"

"Just before you called he was telling me that no matter what Angel said about me being bad in bed it was crap, and that I was amazing, He had tilted my chin to look at him and before I knew what was going on his lips where on mine and then the phone rang."

"Oh my god! And the bad timing award goes to… I'm so sorry, Buffy."

"It's fine. After that he just acted like it hadn't happened. We drove home in silence and then he dropped me off and sped off. It was almost like he was angry at me, like it was my fault he had kissed me," Buffy explained, confused.

"My brother's a jerk. He likes you and that's his problem; he's so scared of getting close to you because of what Dru did to him."

"It doesn't matter. It's better this way; better if we just keep our distance, better alone." The last part came out in a whisper as she stood.

"Let's go home," she said, grabbing the shopping bags. bi_**"Over my dead body,"/i/b **_Cordy couldn't help but think. bi_**"No more alone, they belong together." /i/b She**_ knew they did; she felt it, she just had to prove it to them, to her thick headed brother.

"Um… I just want to stop off at one more shop, okay?"

"Sure." Buffy smiled as they headed through the mall. Cordy smiled as her plan began to form. She would get Buffy and William together if it was the very last thing she ever did.


	10. Forbidden Temptation

_Chapter 10_

_Forbidden temptations_

Buffy had been surprised when Jenny and Giles had announced they were taking them all to their lake house they owned just outside Sunnydale. She had to admit it was beautiful. It was the only house on that side of the lake. A large five bedroom, two story house with the lake out front and its own private jetty and lush green forest all around made it peaceful and private.

Cordelia, of course, had known all along. Now Buffy understood why she had made them stop at the surf shop that day at the mall and insisted that Buffy needed some new swimmers. Buffy had steeled for a black one piece but Cordy had insisted she buy a blood-red two-piece. And now Buffy knew why as she looked at herself in the mirror.

The two-piece left little to the imagination and the blood-red brought out the color of her golden blonde hair and green eyes. She smiled happily at her reflection; she did look good. It was two days before Christmas and they had been at the lake house for the past week. Joyce was due back tonight and Buffy was ecstatic even though it meant this would be her last day with Spike.

He had, of course, spent the past week avoiding her; only saying hello when he had to, and otherwise spending most of his time out of the house or hiding in his room.

Looking out her bedroom window she watched Spike doing laps of the lake. Cordy and Xander had gone into town with Jenny and Giles to do some last minute Christmas shopping, leaving Buffy home alone until Spike had returned from town only ten minutes ago.

He hadn't known she was there and had gone out to the lake, stripping down to his boxers and diving into the water. That's when Buffy had got a wicked idea; finding her new red bikini she intended to tease him just a little. Grabbing a towel, flinging it over her shoulder and pulling her hair down so it fell around her shoulders in waves, she headed outside.

Spike finished his final lap before resting his upper body on the deck. He was about to pull himself from the water when he saw a goddess walking down the jetty. His breath caught in his throat at the sight of Buffy; she looked stunning.

Long blonde hair bouncing around her shoulders, skin tight and tanned, her two firm mounds barely covered by the bloody red bikini she wore, long tan legs and bare feet - he felt himself harden instantly and knew he couldn't get out of the water now, not without seriously embarrassing himself.

"Hi," she smiled at him, dropping her towel on the deck.

"Buffy. I didn't realize anyone was home." He swallowed at the sight of her.

"Well, your parents took Cordy and Xander to do some last minute shopping and since I'm all done I decided to stay behind."

"Well, I've got a few more laps to do. Then it's all yours."

"Don't be silly; it's a big lake, heaps of room for both of us." She smiled, diving in behind him. He turned to face her as she came up. "Tell me, Spike: how do you feel about skinny dipping?" she smiled coyly. Spike just about choked at her question.

"W..well I guess… it all depends," he stuttered, stunned.

"I, for one, find it freeing. I hope you don't mind," she replied, untying her top piece before throwing it onto the deck. Spike swallowed hard. She was topless, only a few feet in front of him, just out of reach. There was no way he was getting rid of his hard-on now.

"Buffy, my parents could be home any minute." Smiling, she swam slowly around him letting her hardened nipples brush him as she swam past, turning so her back was facing the deck.

"Actually, your parents called just before you came home. They're having dinner out while Cordy and Xander see a movie, wanted to know if they should come and get me. I told them I would just order a pizza and stay in, so we have the place all to ourselves for many hours," she replied, a hint of seductiveness in her voice.

Spike could feel his resolve fading and wondered if it would be so bad to just let her in, just one more time, just one taste. He only realized he was moving when he had her pinned between the deck and his hard chest, her pert breasts pressing against his firm chest.

"You're playing with fire little girl," he warned her.

"Maybe I want to get burned," she whispered. He decided then that he wanted her, had to have her, consequences be damned. Seconds from smashing his lips onto hers, the cordless phone of the deck began to ring.

"Bloody hell," he cursed. "Don't you move; we're nowhere near finished yet luv," he whispered huskily, pulling himself up onto the deck and snatching up the phone.

"Giles residence. William speaking." Buffy turned to face him, giggling softly at hearing him use his real name; it was rare to hear it and it sounded strange to her. She had, after all, always known him as Spike. "I'll just get her for you, Miss Summers. Luv, it's your mom," he said, turning to face her. Sighing, she grabbed her bikini top, quickly putting it back on and slipping from the water before she could put the ear to her phone. Spike grabbed her arm. Covering the ear piece, he pulled her close to him.

"Just so you know, kitten that will be coming off again the second you're done." She bit her lip, nodding happily before putting the phone to her ear.

"Hi Mom." Spike smiled, watching the exchange. Grabbing his towel and wrapping it around his waist, he refused to think about what they were going to do the moment she got off the phone. He couldn't think about it; he knew if he did the William part of him, the part that was so scared of being hurt again, would back out.

No, not this time. This time he had to have her.

"But Mom, you promised." He heard her raising her voice, the once-happy smile was gone and now replaced with a look of hurt and annoyance. "It's Christmas," she whispered sadly.

Spike felt his heart break for her; it was clear what was happening. He knew Buffy's mother had gone to England to secure an investor for her art gallery, promising to be home before Christmas. It was clear now by the tears shining in Buffy's eyes that she wasn't going to be able to keep that promise.

"No, it's not okay… I'm so sick of being strong and saying it's all okay when it's not," she yelled down the phone. "No, you don't love me, because if you did you would be here with me and not in stupid old England," she yelled again. This time it seemed she had heard enough, hanging up the phone and allowing the tears to fall softly and silently.

"Buffy luv…" Spike started, placing a hand on her shoulder only to have her jerk away from him harshly.

"Don't, alright? I don't need or want your fake sympathy," she snapped grabbing her towel and running inside the house. He didn't know what to do; should he leave her alone, give her time or follow her inside and do his best to comfort her?

Sighing, he made a choice, following her into the house; he could hear her soft crying coming from the lounge room, walking in he found her laying on the couch sobbing, he moved quickly, laying beside her and wrapping his arms around her.

"Nothing I have with you is ever fake luv," he whispered. This only caused her to cry harder. Finally looking him in the eyes, she wrapped her arms around his neck, kissing him softly. Spike pulled back first, cupping her face.

"Buffy, pet, you're upset. I don't want to take advantage of that," She smiled softly, loving that he was being such a gentleman.

"Please, Spike. I just want to be with you. Don't say no, just kiss me, make love to me," she whispered, almost begging him. Curiously, she moved in, kissing him again and smiling when she felt him relax in her arms, kissing her back. Standing he scooped her into his arms carrying her upstairs and into his room placing her onto his bed her crawled up next to her kissing her again.

They both knew what would happen here and that there would be no going back. But at this moment they didn't care; all that mattered was that they were here together.


	11. Blurring the lines

i_Chapter 11_/i

i_Blurring the lines_/i

Spike couldn't give himself time to think about what they were about to do, his mind was screaming out for him to think rationally but his body had other ideas. Nothing had changed, she was still only seventeen, still underage and a part of him knew that in the end this would end messy and painfully. His body and heart were screaming at his head to shut up.

Right now, in this moment all that mattered was that he wanted her, needed her and even though ever part of him refused to say the words out loud, he did love her.

Rolling so that he was now on top of her and quickly undoing her bikini top, he throw it to the floor as he continued kissing her. Moving down her neck until he was face to face with her soft mounds, he took one pink nipple into his mouth, sucking and nipping at it gently.

Buffy moaned at the feel of his hot mouth on her breast and felt moisture pool between her thighs. She thrust upwards in an attempt to cause some kind of friction in hopes of dulling the ach that was now between her legs.

After showing fair attention to one breast he moved to the other nipple, giving it the same skillful attention before moving further down her body. He came face to face with her bikini covered mound and slipped two fingers under her waist band, pulling them down her legs and past her feet before throwing it to the floor. He moved to spread her legs but found her trying to cover herself shyly.

"Don't hide from me, luv. You're gorgeous. Every part of you." He whispered, his voice thick with lust as he kissed her inner thigh. Heat flooded through Buffy like wild fire at his words.

"I'm going to make this so good for you. Now open up for Spike." He smiled when he felt her legs start to relax.

He took a moment to sit back and gaze at the lustrous woman that lay before him.

Her golden locks fell around her face in waves, her checks were flushed and her lips were red and swollen from their kisses. Spike's eyes travelled down her body, her nipples were hard and perky, her stomach taught. He lowered his eyes to gaze upon her cleanly shaven pussy glistening with need before slowly slipping a single didge between her wet folds. Spreading them apart, he quickly slipped his tongue out circling her clit causing her hips to rise off the bed and towards his face, he took this opportunity to suck her clit into his mouth.

"Oh god, Spike." She moaned, throwing her head back, weathering under his touch. She had never felt anything so amazing. Their first time had been so different, full of passion and need, they hadn't taken much time for foreplay, to desperate with the need to be one with each other.

She felt like her whole body was on fire and she would explode at any moment. Slipping two fingers into her tight channel, he started pumping them in gently at first and then more forcefully. He flicked his tongue over her clit skilfully, lapping at her mound like a man starved as her moans grew louder and her walls started to flutter around his fingers. He picked up the pace sending her spiralling out of control.

"SPIKE!" Buffy wailed in release, clamping down around his fingers. Feeling Buffy's legs start to relax, Spike smirked, shedding himself of his boxes as he crawled his way up her body. Buffy met his lips in a passionate kiss, tasting herself on his tongue it only fuelled her excitement.

Buffy could feel the tip of his cock nudging against her wet entrance, begging to be let in. She met Spike's eyes and raised her hips in a silent welcome and gasped when he crushed his lips to hers before sliding into her heat. They groaned at the feel of each other, he was so big and Buffy could feel him stretching and filling every inch of her.

It was just like their first time only better. This time he knew. He knew everything about her, he knew she was only seventeen, knew she was Cordy's best friend, knew she was in high school and not collage, knew her real name was Elizabeth and Buffy was actually her middle name. No secrets, that is what made this time so much more amazing for her, so much more freeing.

She was so full. Having Spike inside her felt like coming home. She was complete and whole when he was with her. Spike felt like he was on fire. Buffy was so wet for him, so tight and as hot as hell. His thrusts were slow at first, allowing Buffy to meet him thrust for thrust as they moaned in pleasure.

"Please Spike, faster... harder." She groaned in his ear before taking one lobe into her mouth and biting down on it gently. She smiled when she heard him moan, kissing behind his ear before letting out another gasp.

"Buffy, so good." Spike panted, sliding his arm down her body and cupping her bottom. "So bloody tight," he moaned, sliding his hand to her thigh and lifting her leg out to the side. She felt him slide in deeper and couldn't stop herself as she arched her back, and let out a moan.

"Oh god! Feels so good…Don't stop." Buffy could feel her orgasm nearing and raised her hips, meeting Spike thrust for thrust. Green eyes met blue ones. Buffy felt trapped in his gaze as he thrust forcefully into her. The connection crackled between them like electric sparks. Spike wanted to deny it, turn away and pretend it wasn't real but he couldn't, he was trapped in her beautiful, innocent green orbs.

She was so close. His voice was hot against her skin, whispering sweet nothings in her ear, the feel of him pounding into her heat, slipping in and out of her sent her walls fluttering.

Feeling her beneath him, Spike quickened his pace, growling when her hands cupped his bottom and pulled him in deeper, harder and faster. She was spiraling completely out of control. Buffy felt herself let go, her walls squeezing his cock like a vice grip as she wailed in release. Spike was panting, letting out a groan when she scraped her nails down his back, his hips thrusting hard and fast against hers.

"SPIKE!" She screamed his name in her release.

Feeling her clamp and flutter around him, sent him over the edge spilling his seed into her welcoming womb as he groaned out her name. Spike slumped on top of her spent as she traced slow lazy circles on his sweaty back.

Neither said a word, neither dared to. Instead Spike slipped from her heat, almost whimpering at the loss before curling up behind her and pressing his chest to her back. He pulled the blanket up over them and wrapped his arms around her, trying desperately not to think about what would happen in the morning and the consequences of his actions.

No, not tonight. Tonight they could simply remain blissfully ignorant. The consequences could wait until tomorrow he decided as they both drifted to sleep, safe and happy in each other's arms.


	12. Breaking me softly

i_Chapter 12_/i

i_Breaking me softly._/i

Cordelia's heart raced as she opened Buffy's bedroom door and found the bed empty. Her panic set in when she saw that the sheets were still tucked in and folded neatly, the bed hadn't been slept in. bi _**"Oh god!"**_/i/b her mind screamed, she hadn't even thought to check on her when she had arrived home.

It had been late, almost one in the morning by the time they had arrived home. Cordy and Xander, along with Jenny and Giles had shared a meal before coupling off for the evening, giving the young couple some alone time. When the movie had finished they drove home to a silent and dark house.

Both Buffy and William's doors had been closed and all the lights where off. Cordy had just figured they were both asleep but now she was mentally scolding herself, she knew she should have at least popped her head in to check on Buffy.

What if something had happened? What if Buffy and Will had gotten into a fight? She knew William had been avoiding Buffy since their almost kiss and had hoped some alone time together would be good for them. She now feared that she was wrong, she just hoped Buffy hadn't run off after William had said something harsh or stupid… again!

Deciding if he had said something stupid she would have some choice words to say to him. She walked straight for his room, not bothering to knock before she swung the door open. The sight she was met with was not the one she was expecting and it made her gasp in shock and stop dead in her tracks.

"OH MY GOD!" She couldn't help but yell. She'd tried to stop herself but the words had just spilled from her lips, thankfully her parents had gone out to buy everyone some breakfast. Both Spike and Buffy shot up at the intrusion as Xander came running out of his room and across the hall.

"What? What's wrong?" He panted, looking into the room "Oh," was all he could muster. Cordy couldn't help but smiled a little.

"Um… we'll give you guys some privacy." She chuckled slightly before closing the bedroom door. She couldn't the giggle that escaped once she was out of ear-shot, glancing up and meeting a stunned Xander.

"I knew it! I knew I could get them together." Cordy smiled proudly.

"I'm confused!" Xander sighed before continuing. "I mean, I know Spike is pretty much known for his one night stands ever since Dru's rampage of his heart but this just isn't like him."

"What do you mean?"

"Well his whole age difference rule," he shot her a look. "It goes against everything he goes on about. He knows Buffy is seventeen, it's just a bit out of character for him is all. I mean he hardly knows her." Cordy cringed slightly.

"That's not entirely true."

"What do you mean?" he asked, confused.

"Do you remember that trip I took to L.A a few months ago to visit you, we meet at the club but had to leave because William was there?"

"Yeah."

"Did Will happen to mention meeting anyone that night?"

"Yeah, when I got home he was all cut up about some girl he had brought home but when he woke up in the morning she was gone. He really liked her, even went as far as to look for her when he visited you guys on that quick day visit."

"He did?"

"Yeah, said she was an art major at Sunnydale University but he never found her."

"That was Buffy."

"What?!" He all but screamed.

"We were in the club with fake I.D's, she lied to him about where she went to school-"

"Oh man!"

"Yep."

"Wow! He never told me this mystery girl's name." Xander gasped, shocked at the turn of events. He sent out a silent prayer, hoping that everything worked out for his best friend, he had been hurt enough.

In Spike's room, Spike stood quickly and pulled his jeans on as Buffy stood and wrapped the white bed sheet around her small frame.

"Morning," she smiled.

"Morning," he mumbled, refusing to make eye contact with her. It was clear then that he regretted what they had done. With a heavy sigh she prepared herself for the blow.

"Is this how it's going to be?" she asked, clearly annoyed. Spike took a deep breath and turned to face her.

"Look, last night never should have happened and Cordy and Xander walking in on us this morning is going to make things even worse for me," he met her eyes. "So can we just not have this argument right now." he spat.

Buffy's eyes narrowed, she saw red.

"God, you are such a child!" she hissed at him. "You keep going on about you. You. You. You.… What about me huh? Did you ever consider my feelings in all of this?" she growled angrily at him.

"I'm sorry, I never meant to hurt you but last night… you where upset about your mom and I wanted to comfort you…"

"Oh cut the crap Spike!" She yelled, adjusting the sheet as she took a step backwards. "What happened last night was going to happen long before my mom rang, you had me pinned up against that jetty with one thing in mind."

He let out a growl and picked up the little red bikini that lay near her feet.

"Can you blame me Buffy? Look at this little thing, it hardly leaves anything to the imagination. What did you think would happen?" He snapped.

Shaking her head at him, she didn't know whether to laugh or cry.

"You can't blame your actions on a piece of clothing. What about the night at the club? Or the day at the look out when you almost kissed me? Huh?" She took a step forward making him take one back. "I wasn't wearing a little bikini then was I? Maybe it wasn't fair walking out wearing that or even tempting you but taking my bikini top off but you had a choice, you could have walked away… Take some responsibilities for your actions William!" She growled, her eyes throwing daggers his way.

A part of him knew she was right but it didn't change anything. He let out a sigh.

"You're only seventeen years old, Buffy…" he whispered.

"I didn't trick you last night, you knew who I was!" She couldn't believe the way he was acting. "You know how old I am and still you slept with me. I didn't force you or fool you in any way." She took a few deep calming breaths.

"I know but that doesn't change the fact that we can't be together." He whispered, looking down, ashamed.

"To young to date but not to fuck, right?" She yelled, willing herself not to cry as she pushed past him and walked towards the door. He grabbed her arm in an attempt to stop her.

"Buffy, please…"

"No!" Pulling her arm from his grasp forcefully, she looked at him with a mixture of hurt and hate in her eyes. "Just don't."

The look she was giving him made him want to look away, disgusted and ashamed of himself that he could hurt her like this.

"You go on and on about me being too young, only seventeen, that you're too old for me and yet you're the one standing here acting like an infant." He stepped back, surprised at the harshness in her tone.

"Buffy, I'm just trying to be honest. I'm sorry but last night was a mistake."

She pushed the pain she felt at his words to the side as she let anger compel her but she couldn't hide the tears forming in her eyes.

"Well this is one mistake that will happily stay out of your way." She ground out, opening the door and pushing past Cordy and Xander as she ran into her room, slamming the door behind her.

Cordy jumped at the sound of the door slamming and turned to face her brother. Her eyes narrowed as rage boiled inside her as she stormed into his room, only stopping once she was face to face with him.

"What the b**hell **/b did you do?" she yelled.


	13. A Sisters Secret

i_Chapter 13_/i

i_A sisters secret_/i

bi "Buffy, I'm just trying to be honest. I'm sorry but last night was a mistake."

She pushed the pain she felt at his words to the side as she let anger compel her but she couldn't hide the tears forming in her eyes.

"Well this is one mistake that will happily stay out of your way." She ground out, opening the door and pushing past Cordy and Xander as she ran into her room, slamming the door behind her.

Cordy jumped at the sound of the door slamming and turned to face her brother. Her eyes narrowed as rage boiled inside her as she stormed into his room, only stopping once she was face to face with him.

"What the b**hell **/b did you do?" she yelled. **/i/b **

"Not now Cordelia." Spike sighed, running his hand through his hair. What had he done? What had he been thinking? Oh right, he hadn't been thinking at all. ib_**Got yourself into a right mess now you stupid git!**_/b/i he scolded himself.

He had allowed himself to get caught up in the heat of the moment but try as him might he couldn't seem to resist this girl Whenever she was around his mind went to mush and all reason and logic flew out the window.

"Oh hell no! I don't think so." Cordy yelled, meeting his eyes. "You're not getting off that easy. What did you do to her?"

"It's not of your business, Cordilia." Spike snapped.

"Oh it's my business alright for two reasons one," she poked him in the chest. "You're my brother and two she's my best friend…" Her eyes narrowed. "Now let me repeat my question. What the b**hell**/b did you do?" She demanded again, crossing her arms across her chest.

With a deep sigh, Spike caved.

"We slept together… it was a mistake, it never should of happened, Ok."

"What, like the night in L.A a few months ago?" Spike looked up shocked. "Oh yeah, I know all about that night, Buffy and I have no secrets."

"I didn't know she was underage."

"Maybe not then but you defiantly did this time and her being underage isn't what I'm pissed about, you clearly have feelings for her so what's the damn problem?"

"She's too young it would never work out."

"Why? Because you and Drusilla didn't." Spike's eyes narrowed at the sound of his ex's name.

"Don't bloody bring her up." He snapped.

"Why not? It's where it all started, you were young and she was older then you and just when you thought everything was perfect it all fell apart." Cordy said, raising her voice. Xander placed a hand on her shoulder in a vain attempt to get her to stop but she only shrugged him off and stepped forward.

"And you know what b**Spike**/b," she started as she his nick name almost hissed from her mouth.

He was stunned to hear his nickname came from her, she had never called him Spike before and had sworn she never would. It was clear then just how mad she really was with him.

"It had nothing to do with your age difference and everything to do with the fact that Dru was a lying, manipulating, cheating whore." Cordy took a deep breath in an attempt to calm herself down. "You're making a mistake, William." She whispered.

Just as he went to say something he was cut off by an unfamiliar woman walking up the stairs.

"Miss Summers!" Cordy smiled, hugging her tight. They had barely parted when a now fully dressed Buffy came barreling out of her room.

"Mom?" she gasped, shocked. "But I thought…" she started but Joyce cut her off with a hug, pulling back to look at her daughter.

"Oh sweetie, I couldn't stay there," she smiled. "I simply told Mr. Travous that why his investment in the gallery was important, to me spending Christmas day with my only daughter was more important."

"Oh mom you shouldn't have done that, I was acting like a brat! I'm sorry. Did you lose the investment?"

"Actually, Mr. Travous was so impressed by my family values and loyalties to you that he signed the contract there and then."

"What?" Buffy smiled brightly.

"Oh sweetie, from now on you and I are going to get so much more time together. We have a lot of catching up to do starting right now."

"I'll go pack." Buffy smiled, running into the room and throwing everything into her suitcase. She packed her things in record time and ran back out to her mom.

"Buffy, I was just telling you mom we have heaps of food and stuff here," Cordy met Buffy's eyes. "Why don't you guys spend Christmas with us?" She smiled, praying that Buffy would agree then maybe she could get Spike to work things out between them.

"Oh well, that would be lovely…" Joyce started. Buffy felt panick burn through her like wild flower, there was no way she could smile pleasantly for the next few days with what had happened between her and Spike.

"Oh no mom! I mean, you just flew back from England to start this one on one time. I was hoping we could get in our pj's and curl up on the couch with some Ben and Jerry's and watch T.V." Buffy smiled.

"Are you sure sweetie?"

"One hundred percent."

"Okay, well thank you Cordy it was a lovely offer but..." Cordy smiled, nodding.

"Let me walk you down to the car." Cordy said, grabbing Buffy's bag.

"Buffy could I have a quick word?" Buffy froze at the sound of Spike's voice, unsure what to do or say. She wanted to tell him to drop dead and storm off but she didn't want her mother asking questions either.

"We'll meet you at the car, Buffy." Cordy smiled, ushering Xander and Joyce down the stairs.

"Buffy, I wanted to say I'm sorry I never meant to hurt you but…" turning to face him, she put her hand up.

"Just stop okay. I don't want to hear it, just…. stay the hell away from me."

He nodded, feeling his heart clench at her words, watching as she moved towards the stairs and stopped briefly, not bothering to turn and face him as she whispered.

"I wish I had never met you." It was soft but still loud enough for him to hear. He fought back the tears that her words brought to the surface, a part of him wishing that she'd never met him either then he could never have hurt her the way he had.

After Joyce's SUV drove off down the road it was only seconds before Spike heard Cordy slam the front door and come pounding up the stair. He prepared himself for a tongue lashing.

"Tell me in the five seconds Buffy was actually up here alone with you, you said something, anything to make this better?" she asked, stopping in front of him.

"I told her I was sorry…" he started only to be cut off.

"Your sorry? You're an idiot, you know that! You're ruining something that could be great… how could you do this? You know Buffy has had enough hurt in her life without her becoming one of your one night stands." She snapped, unaware that her parents had returned and were now standing in the hallway.

"William!" their mother gasped, walking into the room.

"Oh, just bloody brilliant Cordelia! You had to blab your mouth just as mom and dad get home." Spike snapped.

"You know what," Cordy yelled. "I'm glad they know. Why should you get off so easy? Buffy gets to go home feeling like crap because you can't make up your bloody mind or keep it in your pants! Maybe you should get a little crap too." She hissed.

Cordy knew she should stop but she could feel the old vindictive Cordy rearing its ugly head. He had hurt her best friend so much, she hadn't seen Buffy this hurt even after Angel's stunt. Turning to face their parents, she couldn't seem to stop herself.

"Did you know that Buffy and William had met before on a trip we took to L.A a few months ago? He slept with her then too."

"Cordy!" Spike hissed.

"William!" His mother gasped, shocked. He hated that tone she got, it was the one that made him feel two feet tall and five years old all at once.

"Wait, you where in L.A a few months ago? You never came to see me." Spike asked, confused. The only reason Cordy ever came to L.A was to visit him and there Aunt Fred and Uncle Wesley and of course to buy shoes.

Cordy cringed, realizing the big mistake she'd just made. She knew she should lie, make something up. Her parents knew about the trip and why she had been there but it was too late, evil Cordy was in full game play and her mouth opened before her brain could even think.

"Yes I was and no I didn't stop to see you because I was only there for the one night to visit my boyfriend." She snapped, turning around to face him. Jenny and Giles prepared themselves, looking over at Xander who looked like he wasn't sure what to do.

"Boyfriend? Since when do you have a boyfriend?"

"I'm almost 18 years old William, I date, I have been dating since I was 13 years old. I kiss, hold hands, I've even had sex!" She could see she was pushing him too far, his face was red with anger and his lips where pressed in a tight thin line.

"Who is this wanker huh?" he growled.

"He's none of your business!" she hissed.

"Alright kids, you need to calm down." Giles said, moving into the room.

"Answer me!" Spike yelled, grabbing her arm.

"It's me." Xander said, walking into the room and standing next to Cordy. Spike let go of Cordy and took a few steps back, stunned.

"You?"

"I love her, Spike."

"Wrong answer." He growled, stepping forward and punching Xander in the jaw, sending the boy stumbling backwards.

"Alright, that's enough!" Giles snapped, stepping between Spike and Xander who was now on the floor, a worried Cordy kneeling next to him. Helping him to his feet, Xander wiped the blood from his lip.

"You're a bastard you know that. I'll never understand what Buffy saw in you." Cordy hissed.

"This ends now! You stay the hell away from my sister!" Spike yelled over his father.

"You don't get to decide that," Cordy growled. "God, you're such a hypocrite. When mom and dad wanted you to stop seeing Dru you refused, said it was your choice-"

"That was different."

"The only difference is I'm older now then you where then. Buffy is younger than me and you had no problem bedding her. Xander and I will not stop seeing each other because you say it's over." Shaking his head, Spike decided he had heard enough.

"I'm out of here." He snapped, going to move around his dad.

"Oh no you don't young man. I haven't had a family Christmas in four years you're not going anywhere." His mother snapped.

"I'm not spending Christmas with that liar."

"I'll go." Xander offered.

"No you won't." Cordy snapped.

"Cordy, your parents want both their kids here for Christmas, I'm not going to ruin that for them. I'll see you after Christmas, I promise." She smiled, hugging him. "I love you." He whispered into her hair.

"I love you too." She smiled as he kissed her forehead. He turned and grabbed his jacket and car keys before leaving, not bothering to pack his stuff as it was only clothes, he could get them another time.

Turning back to face Spike, Cordy felt new rage boil up.

"I hate you." She growled, turning towards her room and stopping at the door, spinning around to face him.

"As for you and Buffy," she met his eyes. "You're going to wake up one day and it may not be next week or even next month or even next year," his shoulders sagged a little. "But you're going to wake up and realize you made a huge mistake and Buffy was the one." She sighed, opening her door and slamming it behind her.


	14. Seeking forgiveness

i_Chapter 14_/i

i_Seeking forgiveness_/i

b**Four weeks later**/b

Buffy could not believe her eyes.

Swallowing a lump in her throat, she looked down at the little plastic stick that lay in her hand. Those two little pink lines staring back at her had changed her life forever. How had this happened?

It wasn't possible.

She was on the pill, it had to be a mistake but looking over at the three other positive tests that lay on the bathroom sink, she knew it wasn't a mistake.

She'd feared she might be pregnant and had gone out and brought the tests. All the signs where there nausea, tender breasts, tiredness and of course the biggest clue, she was three weeks late but having suspicions and actually confirming them where two very different things. With a deep sigh, she slumped to the floor, there was no denying it.

She was pregnant.

How was she going to tell her mother? What would she say to Spike? bi_**No!**_/i/b her mind screamed. She couldn't tell Spike. She wouldn't. He had already said their time together was nothing more than a mistake, showing up to his place four weeks later and announcing her pregnancy wasn't going to help anyone.

No, it was better that he didn't know.

Cordelia would be a problem though, he was her brother, she couldn't expect her to keep it from him but she didn't want him finding out either. Buffy felt hot tears spring to her eyes. What was she going to do?

Just then the bathroom door burst open and her mother walked in.

"Buffy I..." she started but quickly stopped seeing what Buffy was holding "You're pregnant..." She whispered, stunned. Buffy couldn't seem to talk instead the hot tears that once framed her eyes now ran down her checks as she sobbed.

"Oh baby," Joyce whispered, moving to her daughter and wrapping her arms around her tightly. "It's going to be okay sweetheart, I promise." She whispered in her hair.

"How is it going to be okay? I'm seventeen years old and I'm pregnant." Her voice cracked as she broke down, her arms tightening to hold her mother "You must be so disappointed." She whispered, Joyce pulled back stunned.

"I could never be disappointed in you Buffy, never. I love you and I will always support you in whatever you do." She wiped the tears from Buffy's cheeks. "What about the father?"

Buffy swallowed the lump in her throat before answering.

"He's not in the picture anymore."

"That's okay sweetie." Joyce gave Buffy a comforting smile. "We can do this together."

Buffy smiled, grateful for her mother's support. She almost fainted at the sight of who walked through the door.

"Dad?"

"Hello Elizabeth." Hank Summers smiled softly.

Buffy didn't know what to do or say, moving to hide the pregnancy test in her hand behind her back. "Don't bother, Elizabeth. I heard your conversation with your mother."

Buffy's eyes narrowed at the use of her name.

"My name is Buffy." She spat, dropping the test on the ground and pushing past him. Ever since Hank had abandoned them two years ago she had hated being called by her first name for two reasons, one, Hank had chosen her name. Joyce had wanted to call her Buffy but Hank wanted to name her after his late mother who had passed away while Joyce was pregnant and two, Hank was the only one who ever called her Elizabeth. Hank grasped her arm gently turning her to face him.

"Eliz... Buffy please, I'm not judging or angry I just want a moment to speak with you." His eyes pleaded her and as much as she wanted to tell him to drop dead, she found herself nodding and walking into her room and sitting on the bed, watching as both Hank and Joyce came into the room.

"I have spoken to your mother and told her I would like to be a part of your life again." Buffy looked up at him, she couldn't stop herself from laughing bitterly.

"Now you want to be a part of my life?" She spat.

"I always wanted to be part of your life before too Buffy but with everything that happened with your mother and Harmony..."

"How is the brainless twit?"

"Harmony and I have been separated for some time now."

"Ah, so that's the reason you want back in our lives?" With a sigh, Hank moved forward and knelt down in front of her, taking her hand in his.

"No, Buffy the way I acted was inexcusable but I was going through something and I acted irrationally, very much like a teenager with a crush and I'm not trying to make excuses for what I did to both you and your mother but I'm sorry for it, for causing you both pain. I don't expect you to forgive me right away but I was hoping that maybe one day..." Buffy looked between her mother and father.

"Are you guys... getting back together?" She asked, unsure.

"No, your mother has made it quite clear that, that will never happen even though I still love her dearly."

"You can't just waltz in here and say your sorry and expect everything to go back to how it was, I mean you left mom and me for someone else not to mention the fact that you also left us with a mountain of debt, your debts."

"I know and while I can't replace the time I have costed you and your mom, I can repay the money and have, I wrote your mother a cheque this morning." Looking up in shock she saw Joyce nod, sighing, she didn't know what to do or say.

"Buffy, I would like to help you with your situation." Panic flooded through her.

"I'm keeping the baby." She spoke quickly.

"I expected you would but I would like to help, it's not cheap bring a child into this world and raising it alone can be very hard especially when your only a teenager. A friend of mine has a daughter the same age as you, her name is Faith, she's also pregnant, four months I think he said, anyway, she has just started at a high school for young pregnant teens." He explained. "A place where teen moms to be can go and finish school without having to worry about being judged and they also teach you about being a parent too, its only an hour from Sunnydale. I could find you and your mother a place to live and then after the baby is born if you need work or money for college or even a babysitter I can help."

"I couldn't leave the gallery, not at the moment with our new investor." Joyce explained. "But Buffy, I think this would be good for you and I could come and join you in three months."

"You don't want me here anymore? I've embarrassed you haven't I?" Buffy sighed, looking down ashamed. Joyce moved fast across the room and knelt down next to Hank.

"Oh sweetheart, of course not. If I could leave now I would in a heartbeat and you don't have to go, you can stay here with me in Sunnydale." Joyce explained the best she could, Buffy knew she couldn't stay, she knew it would only be a few months before she started to show and then Cordy would put two and two together and before long Spike would know she was pregnant.

"No, I want to go, this school sounds great but you'll come right in a few months?"

"Of course." She promised

"Dad and I can look for a place for you and I to rent and until then I can stay with dad."

"Oh no Buffy, I can't have you and your mom renting a place, I'll buy you an apartment."

"Hank no, I couldn't..." Joyce started but he cut her off.

"It's for Buffy, the deed will be in her name. Consider it an early baby present." Buffy smiled.

"Thanks dad." Hank smiled, happier at the word dad falling from her lips. It held no anger or hatred in it and while he knew he wasn't in the clear yet at least this was a start.

"Mom, can I ask you a favour?"

"Of course."

"Can you not tell anyone about me being pregnant? I'll tell them in my own time." Joyce nodded.

Buffy knew she wasn't being fair just running out of town without even a goodbye but she decided this was for the best. Spike could go on with his life unaware of the baby and she would call Cordy once she was out of Sunnydale, she just wouldn't tell her about the baby until it was born. Then she could make something up, say it was a one night stand not long after she moved from Sunnydale.

She hated lying to Cordy and she didn't want to leave her best friend, she would miss her so much but this is what was best for everyone, if she just disappeared.


	15. Mending Bridges

i_Chapter 15_/i

i_Mending bridges_/i

b**1 Week later**/b

Spike walked into his apartment tossing his keys on the kitchen table, he sighed dropping his bags to the floor. Looking around it seemed like no one was home, he just hoped that Xander hadn't moved out, he knew now that it was unfair to react the way he did five weeks ago when Cordy had announced her relationship with Xander.

He didn't give himself time to adjust to the news or them time to explain the whole situation. After Buffy and Xander had left, Jenny had forced Spike and Cordy into the kitchen together telling them that neither of them would get a single Christmas present until they worked things out.

After about an hour of more arguing they finally calmed down and actually talked. Spike asked her questions and she had answered calmly and honestly. After talking for maybe two hours, Spike finally realised he had messed everything up.

He was scared Xander was taking advantage of his younger sister but he soon realised two things: one, Cordy was not a kid any more and two, Xander and Cordy were deeply and madly in love with each other.

Who was he to stand in the way of their happiness?

He had apologized as his sister held him, close whispering how much she loved him and how she didn't mean it when she said she hated him, and then she had brought up Buffy. He had simply said nothing ever would come of it and that was that, she hadn't wanted to push it any further.

She said she would talk to Xander and smooth things out, but Spike had decided it was better if it came from him, asking her just to tell Xander they would talk when he got home. Just then, Xander popped his head out of the hall way.

"Permission to approach?" Xander smiled, still unsure even though Cordy had told him Spike wasn't angry any more

"Permission granted mate," Spike smiled. Xander visibly sighed in relief as he moved towards him. "I'm sorry I over reacted."

"I'm sorry I kept the relationship from you, but make no mistake this isn't some fling... I love her man one hundred percent." Spike nodded

"I get that now, I do and don't get me wrong, I'm pretty pissed that you have been running around with Cordy for over a year without me knowing but I get why you did it too and not to sound like a grandpa but I need to know what your intentions are... long term."

"I'm going to marry her," Xander stated simply. Spike nodded pulling Xander close and hugging him, stepping back after a few seconds.

"I wanted to tell you but she was scared that you would try and keep us apart."

Shaking his head, Spike felt warm tears rise up fighting them away he sat at the table sighing. "Great, I feel so much better. My sister to scared to tell me she is in love because I'm so bloody jaded." Xander sighed, sitting down in the chair across from him.

"you're not jaded."

"Aren't I? I threw a perfectly good thing away with Buffy because I was scared of getting hurt again."

"You're in love with Buffy." It was more of a statement than a question

"I tried not to, even after I found out she was only sixteen I fought it but she crept in, seeped into my every single core and I can't seem to get her out... I don't want to, but god knows I do... I love her, I'm in love with her." Xander smiled, relived he had finally admitted it.

"So what are you doing here?"

"I can't tell her after what I have put her through... I don't deserve her."

"Maybe, maybe not, but you want her right?"

"God yes"

"It's clear she wants you too so..." Xander smiled, casting his eyes to the door. Smiling, Spike grabbed his keys and ran out the door.

He had a girl to find.

Pulling up in front of the Summers house, he had gotten back to Sunnydale in record time, breaking most of the speed limits along the way. He couldn't help it, he needed to see her, to tell her that he loved her and that he was sorry for being such a prat. Moving up the front steps he banged on the door, he was so excited to finally be here, he could feel his skin tingling, his blood pumping and his heart hammering in his chest. He smiled as the door opened to see Joyce standing there.

"Miss Summers, is Buffy home?"

"You're William aren't you? Cordilia's brother?"

"Yes ma'am"

"I'm sorry William, but Buffy no longer lives here." Spike felt all the blood run from his face

"What? Well do you know where I could find her?"

"I'm afraid I can't give out that information, I'm sorry but Buffy has moved away to get some time alone and she has asked that I not tell anyone where she is." Joyce explained.

"Oh god, what have I done?" he whispered, feeling sick to his stomach.

"Why are you looking for Buffy? I thought you barely knew each other?" Joyce asked, confused.

"Um... Well you see, the thing is..." Spike began, stammering and it occurred to Joyce then, the timing was right after all.

"You slept with her didn't you?" Joyce spat.

"Please understand Miss Summers I lo..." he started

"If you are who I think you are then just stay the hell away from Buffy, she wants nothing to do with you." Joyce hissed, before slamming the door in his face.

Spike felt his heart break, he had lost her forever. He couldn't believe she had moved away from Sunnydale just to escape him, not that he could blame her after what he had put her through. Tears ran down his checks as he realised he had lost the woman he loved forever and he had no one to blame but himself.


	16. Time passes by

i_Chapter 16_/i

i_Time passes by_/i

b**four years later**/b

Spike sat in the bridal shop surrounded by white fluffy dresses and over excited brides to be, he couldn't believe he was here, what had he been thinking? He should have known this was a bad idea from the beginning, but when she looked at him with those innocent pleading eyes he knew he as a goner.

He couldn't say no to her.

"So what do you think?" his younger sister asked, stepping out from the changing room. She looked radiant, a vision, he couldn't believe it, Cordeilia and Xander were getting married.

Xander had graduated from UC Sunnydale with his architecture degree a year after Cordy had started there. He had started out working for a local company, but now ran his own.

Cordy had graduated only a month ago with her degree in beauty therapy. On her graduation night, Xander had taken her out for a romantic dinner and proposed. Spike had known about it as Xander had asked for his and Giles' blessing, he had been happy to hear Cordy had immediately said yes.

"You look stunning luv," he smiled, standing and walking over to her. "You take my breath away," he whispered, hugging her.

Pulling away, she wiped her eyes.

"Stop or you'll make me cry," she sniffled.

"I can't believe you're getting married," he whispered, as she turned to face the mirror

"I know isn't it amazing… this is it William, this is the dress."

Spike smiled, sighing inward ib_**About bloody time!**_/b/i he couldn't help but think, they had been to six different bridal shops in L.A not to mention the three they had gone to in Sunnydale earlier this morning.

"You sure?" he asked cringing, he hoped she didn't say no, but at the same time he wanted her to be one hundred percent sure.

"I am, it's a bit expensive though," she cringed.

"Price doesn't matter luv, I promised you your dream dress and I'll get it for you no matter what."

"Are you sure? Cause Xander said he is happy to pay for it."

"I told you before luv this is my engagement present to you."

"Ok," Cordy smiled, turning to wrap her arms around him again, "Thank you so much" she whispered into his shoulder.

"You're welcome, by the way I forgot to ask, who will I be walking down the aisle with? Fred or Willow?"

Fred was her closest aunt and it was a no-brain-er picking her for a bridesmaid, Willow she had met during her first year at UC Sunnydale, they had clicked instantly. Taking a deep breath, she prepared herself

"Um… actually neither," she replied swallowing hard.

"But I thought that's who you decided on as bridesmaids?"

"I did and they are, but I picked someone else as my maid of honor."

"Oh ok, well do I know her?"

"You could say that."

Spike eyed her suspiciously, what was she hiding from him?

"Cordy, what's going on?"

Sighing, she tried to think of the best way to tell him. Figuring she would stick with Cordelia tradition, she went with straight to the point.

"I asked Buffy to be my maid of honor," she blurted out.

Spike felt all the blood drain from his face; he hadn't heard or spoken that name in years.

"I thought you had no contact with Buffy," he almost yelled.

"Don't be mad okay? Buffy called me a few months after she left Sunnydale."

"Why didn't you tell me?" he demanded, raising his voice.

"Because I didn't see the point in opening old wounds. I told Buffy you wanted to talk to her, that you were worried about her, but she said she wanted nothing to do with you, that if I put you on the phone to her she would hang up and never call again. I didn't lie to you when I said I didn't know where she was, I don't. She won't tell me her address, I don't even know what state she lives in for Christ sakes," she replied, getting slightly heated. Taking a deep breath, she tried to calm herself.

"She calls maybe once every two weeks or so to catch up, but I don't have her number she wouldn't give it to me. I didn't want to see you get hurt William and she… she said she had moved on."

"Moved on? Has she… met someone?" he stammered.

"I don't know, but I do know that she is settled with a family."

"What do you mean?"

"She has a daughter named Dawn."

Spike swallowed the chocking lump in his throat. Buffy had a child, a child that wasn't his, he felt tears burn his eyes and his heart break, she really had moved on.

Buffy pulled up in front of her mother's house, it looked exactly the same. Joyce had followed Buffy as promised, living in an apartment Hank had brought Buffy in L.A placing the house in Sunnydale up for rent, but once Buffy had the baby and graduated school she insisted Joyce return to Sunnydale and the gallery.

Hank had stayed by her side as promised, helping her with anything she needed and when she was accepted into UCLA, he had paid for all Dawn's preschool fees as well as all of Buffy's collage fees. Over the years, Buffy was happy to say her and her father were closer than they ever had been.

Looking back at her daughter sleeping, she didn't want to wake her. She had finally drifted off to sleep just after they had gotten out of L.A, she wondered how Cordy would react when she found out that Buffy was living only two hours away in L.A.

Stepping out of the car, she smiled when she saw her mother run out of the house and enveloped her in a tight hug.

"Oh, I have missed you," Joyce whispered to her.

"I've missed you too, mom." Buffy smiled at her, as they pulled apart.

"And where is my beautiful granddaughter?" Joyce smiled, opening the back door as Dawn's sleepy eyes fluttered open to look at her.

"Nanna?" Dawn whispered. Unbuckling the child, Joyce lifted her from her seat holding her tight.

"After you unpack, you should go over to see Cordilia, she has been calling here ever half an hour none stop since eight this morning, it's actually quiet annoying."

Laughing softly, Buffy couldn't help but smile.

"Sounds like her." It had been four years since she had seen Cordelia.

"I'll look after Dawn for you," Joyce announced hopefully.

"Ah, now I see what's going on here. You're trying to get rid of me, only want me for my daughter huh?" Buffy smiled.

"Exactly," Joyce laughed before heading up the foot path.

Shaking her head at her mother's retreating form, Buffy took a deep breath. Was she ready for this? Cordy had told her that Xander had asked Spike to be his best man and that he was staying at the Giles residents until after the wedding.

Maybe it would be better just to call Cordy and get her to meet her somewhere. No, she couldn't keep avoiding him, might as well get it over with. Grabbing as many suit cases as she could carry, she headed into the house.

Buffy didn't even get the chance to knock when Cordy swung the door open hugging her close

"Oh my god Buffy, I can't believe you're finally here. I have missed you so much," Cordy squealed, holding her tightly before stepping back. "You've changed so much," she smiled.

Buffy had changed, her hair was longer and blonder, she was more tanned and had a smaller frame and of course she looked older, no longer a teenager, she was now a woman.

"And so have you, I can't believe you cut off your hair," Buffy spoke, touching Cordy's now shoulder length curls. "And you have blonde highlights." Her hair was still chocolate brown, but the blonde made it look softer.

"Yeah, did it a year ago. Do you like it?"

"Please, I love it."

Cordy smiled brightly, before ushering Buffy into the house. Buffy looked around nervously, wondering if he was there

"He's not here, Xander and he went for their suit fittings with Wesley and Oz."

Buffy smiled, sheepishly nodding.

"So where is that beautiful daughter of yours? I've been dying to meet her."

"Mom stole her from me," Buffy laughed. "I have a photo here though," she said, reaching into her hand bag and pulling out her wallet opening it, she removed to photo and passed it to Cordelia to show the blubbery three year old.

"Oh, Buffy she is beautiful," Cordy whispered, but her smiling face suddenly shifted, the little girl in the picture held a few of Buffy's features she noted; her tan skin and full red lips, but then Cordy noticed her long dark hair, perfectly straight just like hers had always been as a child and even in her teen years and then there was the biggest clue those large bright blue eyes, it was like looking into William's eyes.

"You never did tell me the name of her father," Cordy said, sounding serious.

Shifting uncomfortably, Buffy tried not to panic, there was no way Cordy could figure it out by looking at one photo no matter how much Dawn looked like her father… right?

"Um as I said he was a one night stand, I don't even remember his name."

"He gives you a daughter and you can't even remember his name," Cordy snapped.

"What are you getting at Cordelia?"

"Do you think I'm an idiot? Did you think that I wouldn't see it?"

"See what?"

"Oh come on Buffy, she is clearly William's daughter," Cordy snapped, shoving the photo at her. bi"_**Tell the truth or lie? Tell the truth or lie?"**_/i/b her mind screamed at her.

"Um…well…. That's just…" she stammered, unable to answer, she didn't want to lie to her but at the same time she was scared to tell her the truth.

"Don't lie to me Buffy, I deserve more than that."

Sighing, Buffy looked into the eyes of her best friend.

"Yes, she is Spike's daughter," she answered honestly.

"Oh my god Buffy, how could you not tell me I had a niece? How could you not tell him he had a daughter?" she asked stunned.

"Look, I'm sorry but at the time I was scared, I was only seventeen and my flight or fight instincts kicked in and I handled it badly but you know Spike wasn't exactly welcoming if I remember right I was just a mistake to him."

"That's not fair Buffy, I know what Will did was wrong but so is this…You have to tell him."

"No, I can't"

"Then I will," Cordy snapped, turning on her heels.

"No wait, Cordy please" she begged, chasing her. Turning Cordy to face her, "I'll tell him just not yet, can we please just get over the wedding and then I'll tell him everything I promise."

Sighing, Cordy caved.

"He is going to take one look at her and know."

"If he asks I'll tell the truth, I swear."

Nodding, Cordy gave in. She knew her brother would be hurt, crushed even, but maybe this was a good thing. She knew how much William cared for Buffy and now maybe, Dawn would be the key to bring them back together and showing them both what fools they had truly been.


	17. Secret Number Two

_Chapter 17_

_Secret number two._

Buffy couldn't believe the events of the last few hours, once Cordy had realized that Dawn was her niece she had to know everything about the toddler: when she started walking, what was her first word, and more. Of course, it had ended with Buffy calling Joyce as Cordy just had to meet her in person.

The second Dawn had walked into the house, Cordy had been right in front of her asking if she wanted to play, and of course Dawn lived to play. That had been over an hour ago and Buffy hadn't heard a word from either of them since.

Smiling, she stood on the back steps watching Cordy push Dawn on the swing. Sipping her hot coffee, she had been so engrossed in watching Dawn and Cordelia that she hadn't heard the front door open.

"Hello Buffy," the familiar voice took her by surprise. Spitting her half mouth full of coffee on the grass below, she quickly tried to gather herself, wiping her chin as she heard him laugh

"Scare you luv?"

Finally turning to face him, she put a smile on her face.

"Just a little, how are you Spike?" she replied, trying to stay calm when on the inside she was going mad; her heart was pounding, palms were sweating and her mind was screaming how gorgeous he still was and how much she still wanted him.

"I'm well and you?"

"I'm good," she smiled, turning back to watch her daughter play again. Spike couldn't believe his eyes, she was just as he remembered her but there were small changes; her hair was longer, skin was darker, her frame was smaller and she no longer held that innocence in her face. It was clear she was a woman now and that her life had been stressful.

"That must be Dawn."

Turning to look at him, Buffy nodded.

"Um yeah, Dawn Cordelia Summers."

"You named her after Cordy?"

"Yeah."

"She's beautiful Buffy, how old is she?"

Swallowing a lump in her throat, she smiled trying not to look nervous.

"A little over three years old," she answered quickly.

His mind reeled, that would mean Buffy had met Dawn's father within weeks of their fight, it was clear to him then that she had most definitely moved on.

"So, how long have you and her father been together?"

"Actually we aren't together."

"Oh," he replied hopeful. "So he just sees Dawn then?" he asked probing.

"Actually no, he has never met her," she whispered, feeling guilty.

"What a ponce" he couldn't help but say.

"It's not his fault… it was a one night stand and I never saw him again."

"Oh, I'm so sorry Buffy."

"I'm not, she's my world, I'm just grateful to have her," Buffy smiled.

"So, there's no one special then?" he asked.

Looking up at him, Buffy started to speak but was stopped when Dawn ran up to her laughing as Cordy ran behind her.

"Mommy mommy, aunt Cordy's going to tickle me!" she squealed, hiding behind Buffy.

Buffy laughed softly at this.

"Oh no, well mom will protect you I promise," Buffy smiled down at her.

"Who's that?" Dawn asked, pointing at Spike.

Looking down at the little girl, Spike smiled.

"My name's…" he started, only to have Buffy interrupted him.

"Spike, his name is Spike sweetie."

"Spike? That's a silly name," Dawn giggled.

Spike loved kids; they were so honest it was refreshing. Spike laughed with her.

"That's what I keep telling him," Cordy smiled.

"Well, I guess it is a little silly, but it's only a nick name my real name is William."

Buffy felt panic well up inside her, heat flood through her as she watched his real name slip from his lips, she couldn't stop it and she knew what would happen next.

"Really? My daddy's name is William," Dawn smiled brightly. Both Buffy and Cordy cringed as Spike listened to her, a shocked expression forming on his face. "I've never met him, but mommy says he's a good man with big blue eyes just like mine."

It was in that moment, that Buffy knew the cat was out of the bag. She watched as Spike knelt before their daughter and studied her eyes.

**"Oh my god!"** his mind screamed, Dawn was his daughter. Standing up he tried to compose himself but he couldn't stop the tears that started to burn his eyes as he looked at Buffy, who refused to look him in the eyes.

"Um Dawn, why don't we go inside and play? It's starting to get dark," Cordy suggested, ushering the young girl inside and leaving Buffy and Spike alone.

"Please tell me it's not true," Spike started. Buffy felt her heart break, a part of her had always feared that Spike wouldn't want Dawn. "Please tell me you didn't keep my own daughter from me for three years."

Buffy sighed in relief, he wasn't upset because Dawn was his, but because she hadn't told him.

"I can't," she whispered, still looking at the ground.

"Damn it Buffy! How could you not tell me I fathered a child?" he snapped.

Finally looking at him, she tried her best to explain.

"I'm sorry, I tried to call every day, to write and tell you about her, but all I could think about was that last conversation we had. I didn't want to complicate your life and I didn't do this on purpose, I was on the pill but it seems not everything is one hundred percent," she sighed.

"I have a three year old daughter and I know nothing about her, do you know how that makes me feel?"

Trying to fight back tears, she could feel her heart breaking at his words.

"Her name is Dawn Cordelia Summers, she was born on the eighteenth of September at six fifteen in the morning, after seventeen hours of labor. She was six pounds nine ounces and forty eight centimeters long," she told him.

He listened in amazement.

"Seventeen hours?" he asked stunned.

"Yeah, by the time she was born I thought I was going to die," Buffy laughed. "She started crawling at six months, walking by the time she was one year old, her first word was mom; she's sweet and smart, she has your eyes and my lips but most of all, she has your cocky attitude, she says what she thinks, which sometimes gets her into trouble."

He laughed at her last words.

"I had noticed that." Shaking his head, he sighed. "Buffy, telling me all this doesn't help me know her, it doesn't make up for the three years I have lost with her, I should have been there for all that… I want to spend time with her."

Buffy smiled, happy that he wanted to be in Dawn's life.

"I'm sure she would love that, we could go to the park and the beach…"

Spike was quick to cut her off

"Actually, I would prefer it if it was just Dawn and myself."

Buffy couldn't help the sting that went through her heart

"Oh," she replied.

"I want to get to know her one on one, Buffy and right now I'm still pretty angry with you."

Buffy smiled, nodding.

"Of course you can spend one on one time with her. Here is my mobile number so you can call and arrange a time to pick her up," she smiled, passing him one of her cards.

"Thanks," he replied, before going inside to see his daughter.

Buffy couldn't stop the tears that slipped from her eyes, she was happy Spike wanted to be in Dawn's life, but at the same time she was crushed he clearly wanted nothing to do with her.

Her heart was breaking, it had been four years. She had thought for sure she had moved on, but all it took was seeing him just once and she realized she hadn't. But, it was more than clear that he had but no matter how she felt she knew she had to try and have a civil relationship with Spike for Dawn's sake.


	18. Learning Curves

_Chapter 18_

_Learning curves._

Buffy sat on her bed quietly looking at Dawn's sleeping form next to her, she felt a mixture of relief and fear; she was happy that Dawn now had a chance to get to know her father, to spend time with him. Dawn had always asked why she didn't have a father and Buffy had never lied to her.

She had told her she did have a father, that his name was William and he was a good and decent man but that he lived far away. Whenever Dawn asked any questions about Spike Buffy would always answer honestly, she never wanted to keep the truth from her. Buffy was suddenly jarred from her thoughts when her mobile began to ring, leaning over to pick it up she answered.

"Hello," she whispered.

"Hi," Spike replied.

"Hold on a second, Spike," Buffy whispered. Tucking the blanket around Dawn, she moved down stairs and out to the front porch.

"Okay sorry about that, but Dawn just went to sleep and I didn't want my talking to wake her."

"Oh ok, is she a light sleeper?"

"The lightest." Buffy laughed knowing the slightest sound could wake Dawn.

"Listen Buffy, I called because I would like to see Dawn tomorrow."

Buffy felt fear grip her, she wanted Spike to spend time with Dawn but she was worried how Dawn would react" to being alone with him.

"Of course."

"I want to tell her I'm her dad."

Buffy knew she had to be there for that, she knew Dawn would look to her for support and confirmation. "I think that's a great idea."

"Well, I'll pick her up at eleven then."

"Um actually, Spike I think I should be there." She heard him sigh at this.

"Buffy, we talked about this I want some alone time with her and I don't really feel like being near you at the moment as I said I'm still pretty angry."

"And you can still be angry with me there, I'm sorry Spike, I know you want to spend time alone with her and I understand but until Dawn gets to know you a bit you're going to have to put up with me being there," she stated.

"That's not fair Buffy, don't I get a say in this?"

"Look, I'm not doing this to be a bitch, I'm only thinking of Dawn. She doesn't know you, you're a stranger to her and I know what she'll be like if I just leave her with you, she is going to freak out," Buffy tried her best to explain.

"And whose fault is it that she doesn't know me?" she heard him say angrily.

"Mine, but you know what Spike, I'm not the only guilty party in this, there is a reason I left and that reason was because you wanted nothing to do with me, now I know I should have contacted you once things had calmed down and I'm truly sorry I didn't but you can't keep putting all the blame on me," she hissed.

"Oh so now this is my fault?"

"That's not what I'm saying, I'm just saying you had a part to play," sighing frustrated; she tried to calm herself down before continuing. Look, if you take Dawn without me and tell her you're her dad she is going to freak, I have always been there with her, for her, and she will look to me for answers and I need to be there to give them to her."

"Once she gets to know me I want to spend time alone with her," Spike said.

There was something playing on her mind and there was no gentle way to put it but she needed to know for sure.

"And you can, I will never stop you from seeing Dawn but I need to know how much time you want with her?"

"What do you mean?" he asked confused.

"Are you going to try and take custody of Dawn?" she asked bluntly.

"Do you really think I would try and take her away from you?" he asked, clearly hurt by her assumption.

"It's not that I think you would Spike, but people do it all the time and I need to know where we stand, Dawn is everything to me… I won't lose her." She knew that she was being blunt and straight forward and that this might hurt him but she needed him to know that she wouldn't let him take Dawn from her.

"I wouldn't do that, Buffy," sighing, he took a much needed breath. "Look, you're clearly a great mother to Dawn and you have done a wonderful job with her, so I have no reason to take her from you, I just want time with her too, to be her dad."

Buffy felt relief flood through her at his answer.

"Thank you Spike, and know I will never stop you from seeing Dawn anytime you want," she said, wanting to make that very clear.

"Thank you," she heard him whisper "Um, so tomorrow maybe we could take Dawn to the park for a picnic and sit down and tell her that I'm her dad."

"I'm sure she will love that."

"Good well I'll pick you both up at eleven."

"Great we'll see you then, good night Spike."

"Good night Buffy."

Hanging up the phone, Buffy sighed happily. At least now, she knew where she stood. Spike wouldn't try and take Dawn from her; it's not that she thought he would but she had seen friends from her old school go through nasty custody battles and so the thought had been nagging at her slightly.

She was looking forward to tomorrow, she knew that Dawn would have questions and she would just have to answer them as best she could but she also knew that Dawn would be so excited to finally meet her dad, smiling at the thought she was about to head inside when she saw a familiar black SUV pull up.

Walking down the foot path, she met Faith as she hopped out. Faith had been the first person she had met in L.A, Faith had also been pregnant at the time; she had given birth to a little boy one month before Dawn was born, she had called him Connor and he and Dawn were now best friends.

"Hey, I didn't think you were coming till tomorrow night," Buffy smiled, hugging her.

"Well, your dad gave me the day off so I could pack for the trip, I thought to hell with waiting so I decided to come today," Faith smiled at her. Faith had been working as Hank's assistant for two years now.

"That's great, I could really use an ear at the moment."

"Really? What's going on?"

"Dawn's dad is here in Sunnydale and he knows about her."

Faith wasn't really surprised, Buffy had told her that Spike was Cordy's older brother. Faith had seen pictures of him, and Dawn looked just like him so it didn't take a genius to work it out.

"Oh, well, we better get inside so you can tell me everything." Faith smiled, picking Connor up from the back seat as they moved inside.

Faith had been four months pregnant when she had met Buffy, she had been wild and just a little crazy, but once she realized she was going to be a mom she settled down; going back to school and finally getting a job as Hank's assistant.

Hank and Faith's dad, Ethan, both worked for the same law firm and were close friends. Buffy had taken an instant liking to Faith, they had a lot in common being teen single teen moms for one, but also Connor had never met his father either, he had been a one night stand and Faith was never able to track him down. Faith never talked about him much, she had never even told Buffy his name, but Buffy could tell there was hurt there. Buffy and Faith had supported and comforted each other, as a result of that, they had become close friends.


	19. Small world after all

i_Chapter 19_/i

i_Small world after all._/i

Spike had picked up Buffy and Dawn as planned and after Buffy had packed them a picnic lunch, they headed out to the park. After enjoying lunch and some light small talk Dawn had asked a question that had started "the talk" they were there to have.

"Mommy." At Buffy's reply of 'yes sweetie' she continued. "Why are with having lunch with Spike? We only just met him."

Buffy took a deep breath, opening and closing her mouth a few times trying to find the right words.

"Well, I've actually known Spike for a long time."

"Really?"

"Dawn sweetie, there's something we need to tell you."

"What is it mommy?"

"You know how you use to ask me about your dad all the time?"

"Yeah." The small child smiled. "You always said he was a good, kind man who was very, very, very, b**very/b** handsome." She let out a small giggle and blushed when she heard Buffy and Spike laugh.

"I think that's more very then I said." Buffy smiled at Dawn giggles.

"You also said that he loved me very much but he lived far away."

"That's right." Buffy nodded. "You know how we moved recently, right?" Dawn nodded at this. "So now he's not far away."

"Really? Can we visit him? Please mommy, please?" The little girl begged, bouncing up and down with excitement.

"You kind of already are, niblet." Spike smiled and continued on after the child shot him a confused look. "I'm your dad."

"WOW!" Dawn gasped loudly, her eyes going wide.

Buffy laughed softly at her daughter's excitement, watching as her eyes seemed to sparkle with amazement as she stared at Spike.

After a few minutes of staring she spoke.

"What do I call you?" She asked, confused.

"What do you mean, bit?"

"Well do I call you William or dad or Spike?"

"You can call me whatever you're comfortable calling me." Spike smiled reassuringly.

"Well William sounds too boring." Dawn muttered, causing both Buffy and Spike to break out into laughter. "But I like Spike. Can I call you Spike for a while?"

"Sure niblet." Spike smiled, trying not to feel to hurt at her reluctance to call him dad. _**"She's four years old mate, give her some time to adjust." **_He thought to himself. It stung sure but he knew once they took the time to get to know each other that she would feel more comfortable calling him dad.

"Mommy can I go play on the swings?"

"Sure sweetie. Do you want me to come and push you?"

"Um no... b-but would you Spike?" Dawn asked, holding her hand out and smiling when he took her hand in his.

"Sure sweet bit." He smiled proudly, standing.

Buffy smiled when she heard Dawn giggle at Spike's pet name for her and watched them walk towards the swings together hand in hand. She couldn't help but feel happy, for the first time in a long time things where fianlly coming together. Her throughts where cut short after hearing her name being called.

"Buffy? Buffy Summers?" Her brows creased as she tried to place a face to the voice and stood, turning to face the person who had called her name.

"Angel?"

"Wow." He let out a laugh. "I haven't been called that for a while."

"Sorry." Buffy smiled sheepishly. "You actually go by Liam now? You always said in school that it was a wussy name." Buffy smiled.

"Yeah well I grew up- my god you look amazing. How have you been?" She couldn't believe that Liam O'Connorwas standing in front of her. She hadn't seen him since she left Sunnydale four years ago. They had dated for a few months in high school, he had been her first and he had left her broken hearted but she figured that was well in the past.

"I'm great! How are you?" She smiled.

"Good." He sighed. "I'm sorry I'm probably the last person you want to talk to after everything that happened." He said sadly, turning to leave.

"Wait!" Buffy grabbed his arm before he could leave. "The past is past Angel and high school was a life time ago."

His eyes widened in shock for a moment, he thought for sure that after everything he had done to her in high school that she would want nothing to do with him.

"Really?"

"Of course."

"I'm sorry you know," he met her eyes. "For the things I said and did. I was a jerk."

Buffy nodded her agreement with a smile.

"Yeah well it was high school, everyone was a jerk at some point." She laughed, he couldn't help but laugh too.

"Very true but I was the worst." He smiled sadly.

Buffy wanted to comfort him but he was right, he was the biggest jerk at Sunnydale high or at least he had been.

"I was wrong you know." He whispered.

"About what?"

"You," he smiled sadly. "The things I said about you not being worth a second go." He shook the thoughts from his head, feeling ashamed of his harsh words. "You where amazing and the most wonderful person I knew but I was so determined to be Mr. popular that I did whatever it took to make my so called friends happy… So I'm sorry."

Buffy smiled, she couldn't help but feel glad. She had wanted nothing more in high school then to hear him say all those words.

_**ib"Better late than never."/b/i **_She couldn't help but think.

"You're forgiven." She smiled.

"Thanks." He smiled back.

"What's with this huge change? I mean, I know it's been a while but still this is a pretty big turnaround."

"After graduation I moved to L.A to go to university and I meet this girl one night. She was amazing and in just a few hours she had rocked my world. I fell for her fast and hard, we went home together and when I woke up in the morning she was gone, no note, no number, nothing." He stared off into the distance remembering that night.

"It was a massive wakeup call, like I finally got to feel what I'd been doing to people my whole life." Buffy met his eyes and gave him a nod to continued. "I tried to track her down but I didn't have a lot to go on, I didn't even know her last name so… and then a few days later I got a call from Sunnydale hospital. My mom was really sick, cancer." He explained when Buffy opened her mouth to ask. "So I left uni and got a job at the high school as the assistant coach so I could stay close and look after her."

"Oh wow, I'm so sorry." Her voice expressing her sympathy. "But your mom, she's okay now right?"

"Actually, she passed away about six months ago."

"I'm so sorry Angel, your mother was an amazing woman." Angel nodded sadly.

"Buffy!" She heard Faith call her name. She stood on her toes and peered over Angel's shoulder she saw her walking towards them with Connor in her arms.

"Hey, sorry to interrupt but I thought Dawn and Connor could play together."

"Yeah sure." Buffy smiled but when Angel turned to face Faith Buffy knew something was wrong.

"Faith?" She heard Angel ask, stunned.

"Oh my god! Liam?" Faith looked stunned.

"Do you guys know each other?" Buffy asked, taking a few steps forward. She glanced at both of their faces and then down to Connors and that's when it all feel into place. How had she not seen in before, looking into Connor's soulful brown eyes and then back at Angel's eyes it became clear.

"Oh my god! The girl in L.A, the one that rocked your world-"

"Um Buffy, could you take Connor to play while I talk to Liam?"

"Sure. It was nice seeing you again, Angel." She smiled, taking Connor from Faiths arms. Angel merely nodded, watching as Buffy walked away with the young boy before turning back to look at Faith.

He had to know.

"Is he mine?" He asked, eyes wide. He'd been thinking about this woman since there one and only night together over four years ago and now here she was standing in front of him but more importantly, it looked like they had a child together.

"Yes." She whispered. "I tried to find you to tell you but I only had your first name and I went back to the club but no one knew you there."

"Oh my god!" He stammered.

"Look, I've raising Connor alone for four years now if this is too much for you I can still do it alone-" She stated feeling unsure and slightly hurt.

"What? No I want him! I want to get to know him and maybe me and you could…. Well the thing is, I looked for you too. When you disappeared I was crushed. I wanted more for us."

"Really?" She smiled.

"Yeah. Maybe we could have dinner tonight?"

"I'd like that." They smiled at each other happily.

"Would you like to meet him?"

He nodded gratefully, grasping her hand as they headed for the swings and towards their son together.


	20. Unknown confessions

i_Chapter 20_/i

i_Unknown confessions_/i

Later that night, Buffy sat looking at Dawn and Connor's sleeping form. They always looked so sweet together. Faith had gone out to dinner with Angel to talk about them and of course little Connor. Buffy was so happy for her friend. She had finally found him, and if today at the park were any indication, Faith and Angel would soon be an official couple. She wished she could say the same for her and Spike.

Sighing, she moved to make sure Dawn and Connor were tucked in snugly. Hearing a car pull up, she moved to the window to see Angel opening the car door for Faith who had a smile from ear to ear. She could tell things had gone well. After sharing a passionate kiss, they parted ways. Faith moved inside the house, and Angel left in his car.

Moving from the window, she saw Faith enter the room and quickly shushed her. Pointing at the sleeping kids, Buffy directed her out into the hall shutting the bedroom door behind them.

"Oh, Buffy, things went so well. Angel is amazing," she gushed

"You're calling him Angel now?" Buffy smiled.

"Well, I like it better to be honest. Liam is a bit of a wussy name." Faith giggled slightly.

"Oh yeah because Angel is so manly." Buffy laughed as Faith wacked her playfully. "No really. I'm so happy for you, Faith. You finally found your angel...pun intended." she smiled.

"It's not weird cause he was your first?" Faith asked a little unsure.

"No of course not. Angel and I where a life time ago, really."

"Oh good because I really care about him, Buffy. Honestly, I think I'm in love with him." Smiling brightly, Buffy hugged Faith tightly.

"It's a good feeling huh?" Buffy said pulling back to look at her friend.

"Amazing." Buffy's smile faded as she thought about her and Spike.

"Buffy what's wrong?"

"Nothing for you to worry about," Buffy sighed

"Buffy, you're my best friend. I always worry about you... is it Spike?" Looking up, Buffy felt her eyes burn with tears threatening to spill down her face. Chin quivering slightly, Buffy nodded.

"Come on, B. I'll make us some hot cocoa," Faith said moving down stairs and into the kitchen. Making two hot cocoas with little marshmallows, she moved to sit across from Buffy.

"So tell me what is happening?"

"I screwed everything up," Buffy whispered.

"B, that's not true, and you know it."

"It is. I should have told him about Dawn instead of running away like a coward," Buffy replied shaking her head.

"Buffy, it's not like the guy gave you a lot of reason to stay. You told me yourself what happened over that Christmas break… the things he said."

"I know it was cruel and hurtful, but keeping his daughter a secret from him..."

"You weren't trying to punish him, Buffy. You were barely seventeen years old, pregnant, and scared with the constant memory of how he thought your time together was a huge mistake. I can understand you fear even if he can't," Faith said holding Buffy's hand in hopes of reassuring her.

"Yeah, but you tried to find Angel to tell him about Connor."

"True. But my situation was completely different than yours. I had no way of knowing how Angel would react."

"But you where brave enough to tell him anyway even with that fear... I'm a coward," Buffy cried softly.

"No you're not!" Faith said with such force that it made Buffy look up at her in shock. "You may be many things, but coward is not one of them. Buffy, you're one of the strongest people I know. If it hadn't been for you, I don't know where I would be today."

"What do you mean?"

"When I found out I was pregnant I went to find Angel, but when I couldn't him I was terrified. The thought of doing this alone… I... well I considered getting an abortion," Faith confessed.

"What?" Buffy asked surprised, "But you adore Connor."

"Of course I do, but early on I was so scared and felt so alone that I thought it was my only option."

"What changed your mind?"

"My dad and you... I went as far as to book an appointment at the clinic, but that day my dad found the pregnancy test and the appointment slip. He rushed to stop me and found me out front crying." She took a deep breath and continued. "He thought I had gone through with it, but when they had called my name I just knew I couldn't. I ran out of there. For a while after that I wondered if I had made the right choice, and even with dad's support I still felt really alone. Then you came to L.A and even after everything you had been through you where still so positive and excited about having Dawn. You were so sure of yourself and your choices. It made me start to feel excited about being a mom too. I'm so thankful for you… you saved me," Faith told her wiping her own tears from her eyes.

"So don't you sit there and tell me you're a coward. You're amazing, brave and strong, and if Spike is too thick to realize that then honestly Buffy he doesn't deserve you."

"I love you. You know that, right?" Buffy said moving around to hug her.

"I love you too, B." Letting go, Buffy and Faith moved back to their seats. "So what are you going to do about Spike?"

"What do you mean?"

"Come on, B. I can see the way you look at him... you're in love with him." Buffy smiled sadly.

"Even if I was it doesn't matter. He hates me."

"You really believe that?" Buffy nodded feeling the tears start to well again.

"Buffy, I have seen him with you. The way he looks at you… that's not hate. Its love through and through."

"I wish you were right, but Spike has never loved me. Even when we did sleep together... I was just...convenient." She swallowed feeling her heart break at her own words.

"Bloody was not!" she heard Spike snap angrily. Turning around, she saw him standing in the kitchen door way. "I may have acted like a daft git, but you were never just convenient." Buffy hadn't heard the front door open. How had he gotten inside? Turning back to face Faith, she saw her best friend slip off her seat.

"I'm just going to leave you guys to talk." She smiled attempting to leave the kitchen, but Buffy stopped her.

"You set me up," she whispered angrily

"Look, he was pacing the front step when I got home talking to himself. It was pathetic."

"Oi! I'm not pathetic," Spike interrupted.

"Yeah actually you were, but just a little," Faith replied. She saw Spike's shocked face as she turned to look at Buffy. As annoyed as Buffy was with Faith she couldn't stop the slight giggle that engulfed her.

"Look, neither of you were going to get here alone. Buffy, you would have spent forever moping about, and you," she said pointing at Spike, "would have worn a grove in the front porch long before you knocked, so I decided to give a little push." She smiled proudly moving past them. "Oh and by the way, you're both welcome." She smiled skipping off to leave them alone.

"We should talk," Spike announced once they were alone. Buffy knew he was right. She just hoped it didn't end like all their other talks with him leaving and her being heartbroken.


	21. Needing you

i_Chapter 21_/i

i_Needing you_/i

_i"Buffy__,__ I have seen him with you__.__ The way he looks at you. That's not hate; its love through and through__,__"/i_

_i"I wish you were right__,__ but Spike has never loved me__.__ Even when we did sleep together... I was just... convenient." She swallowed feeling her heart break at her own words. /i_

_i"Bloody were not!" she heard Spike snap angrily. Turning around__,__ she saw him standing in the kitchen door way__.__ "I may have acted like a daft git__,__ but you were never just convenient__.__" Buffy hadn't heard the front door open__.__ How had he got inside? Turning back to face Faith__,__ she saw her best friend slip off her seat. /i_

_i"I'm just going to leave you guys to talk__.__" She smiled attempting to leave the kitchen only to be stopped by Buffy. /i_

_i"You set me up__,__" she whispered angrily__.__ /i_

_i"Look__,__ he was pacing the front step when I got home talking to himself__.__ It was pathetic__.__" /i_

"_Oi' not pathetic__,__" Spike interrupted. /i_

_i"Yeah, just a little__,__" Faith replied__.__ She saw Spike's shocked face as she turned to look at Buffy. As annoyed as Buffy was with Faith she couldn't stop herself from giggling slightly. /i_

_i "Look__,__ neither of you were going to get here alone, Buffy__,__ you have spent the next forever moping about__,__ and you__,__" she said pointing at Spike__,__ "would have worn a grove in the front porch long before you knocked__.__ I decided to give a little push__.__" She smiled proudly moving past them "Oh and by the way__,__ you're both welcome__.__" She smiled skipping off to leave them alone. /i_

_i "We should talk__,__" Spike announced once they were alone__.__ Buffy knew he was right; she just hoped it didn't end like all there other talks, with him leaving and her being heartbroken. /i_

Buffy and Spike stood in the kitchen looking at each other nervously. They had been standing there since Faith's hasty retreat over five minutes ago. Neither had made a move to say or do anything until now.

"Usually when someone says we have to talk actual talking is involved," Buffy whispered still looking down.

"Do you really believe that?" she heard Spike whispered sadly.

"Well yeah... I mean we need to talk so you talk," Buffy replied confused. Spike's head snapped up looking at her.

"Not that, Buffy. What you said about me just thinking you where convenient?" he asked clearly hurt.

"You weren't meant to hear that." Buffy sighed feeling guilt wash over her.

"That doesn't change the fact that you said it, Buffy," he snapped. "You didn't answer my bloody question." Buffy took a deep breath looking into Spike's eyes knowing she needed to be honest. She knew it could end in a fight, but holding back and keeping secrets is what got them to this stage to start with.

"Yes," she whispered. She saw his face crumble with hurt. "What did you expect, Spike, after what happened between us? After the way you treated me? The things you said to me?"

"Bloody hell, Buffy, I was scared." he all but yelled.

"And what I wasn't?" she snapped back. "Same thing with you, isn't it Spike? You haven't changed one bit." She sighed and paced the floor while running a shaky hand through her blonde locks.

"What the bloody hell is that meant to mean?"

"Oh come on, Spike. It was always all about you…how things would affect you or have you forgotten that last big fight we had?" she snapped turning to face him.

"Oh, no. How could I forget? What was it you called me just before you told me you wish you had never met me? That's right an infant."

"You had it coming, and really, at the time was I wrong?" she replied as he moved closer getting angrier by the minute

"Maybe I went on like a real git, but running off, leaving town without even bothering to tell me I was going to be a father. That's real grown up," he hissed face red with anger.

"Guess what, Spike? I'm human. I made a mistake."

"As far as mistakes go, luv that was a biggie." He paced in front of her.

"Are you for real? Maybe I did the wrong thing, but you knew who I was when you slept with me the second time. You knew my age you knew exactly who I was, and in the morning you still acted like a total ass." Spike stopped turning to look at her. As much as he hated to admit it, she was right.

"Buffy-" he started softly but she cut him off to consume with rage to stop now. Years of stress and struggle raising Dawn alone thinking it was what he would have wanted all came pouring out.

"No. I'm not done yet. You got to have your say. Now, you shut up and listen!" she hissed. "What did you expect me to do? I hadn't heard anything from you since that day. For well over a month I waited for something, b**ANYTHING**/b from you to show me you wanted me in your life, and nothing but the constant reminder that I wasn't anything more than a walking talking mistake to you... so yeah I took off. I reacted badly." She turned then unable to look at him as she continued.

"Do you think I wanted to do it alone? I was seventeen years old. I was scared all the time, and even with dad and mom's help financially I pretty much raised Dawn alone. The two hour wake ups to feed her, comfort her even though I was beyond exhausted. I had to wake up in the morning and go to not just uni but work too." Turning to face him tears now running down her face, "You think I like sitting in a hospital at three in the morning because Dawn has a raging fever and can't stop throwing up? Or seeing all the other kids have their dad's doting on them at the park while Dawn sits alone wondering who they are." Spike felt his heart break at her words…hearing the things she went through. Even though he knew if she had told him she was pregnant he would have been there, he couldn't help but feel guilty and ashamed because he knew he chased her away.

"Oh, god. Buffy, I'm so sorry for everything, the things I said, and the way I reacted." Spike sighed cupping her check and wiping her tears away, but he wasn't too surprised when she jerked away from him

"I'm not trying to make you feel guilty, but you need to know my life hasn't been some big party. It was a struggle every day. I was afraid I wasn't doing the right thing that I was screwing up. I could never regret my decision to keep Dawn. She is my everything and worth all of what I went through, but after she was born my life became so complicated, so full on. I know I should have told you about her but i...i..."

"What, pet?"

"I didn't want to complicate your life. I knew you wanted to finish university, and I knew how you felt about our... well whatever you would call what we had. I didn't want to put you through that." She sighed, looking down tears falling from her eyes again, "I was already a mistake to you. I didn't want to become the mistake that ruined your life... I didn't want you to hate me," she sobbed finally letting all the fear and hurt go. Spike moved wrapping his arms around her wanting to protect her and take the weight off her shoulders that she had been carrying alone for far too long.

"Oh, pet. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for being a git, for saying all the things I said. I was scared after everything I went through with Dru… opening up to someone else just seemed like an invitation for more pain so I hid behind my ridiculous age rule. Want, take, have... I lived by it and have spent the past four-years regretting it. I know why you ran because I'm the one who chased you away," he whispered into her hair. This only made her sob harder. "But you're not alone anymore. I will be here every day for you and Dawn. I promise, if you'll let me," he said lifting her head to look at him arms still around her. He moved his hand to cup her check again wiping away the tears.

She looked so scared, so young. He felt all the anger slip away. He couldn't stop himself as he moved forward brushing his lips across hers. Neither moved to deepen it just simply enjoyed the feel of each other again. Buffy wondered for a moment if she should push him away, but she knew she couldn't.

"You not going to tell me this was a mistake and run off are you?" she asked looking down afraid.

"Never again," he whispered tilting her chin to look at him. "You where never a mistake. The only mistake was me letting you go," he told her seeing her eyes glass over as she nodded. Smashing his lips back down onto hers, the brief gentle kiss of before was replaced with one full of hunger and the need to be close to each other.

As Spike lifted her up, Buffy wrapped her legs around his waist feeling his erection pressing into her. Placing her down on the kitchen island, their kiss never broke. He felt her rip open his top pushing it off his shoulders. He moved to do the same lifting the hem of her dress breaking their kiss momentarily. After it was completely removed, he tossed the dress on the floor.

"Buffy..." he whispered.

"Sshhh…please. Spike, I need you," she moaned. Pulling her back into a heated kiss, he unclasped her bra throwing it to the floor with the rest of their clothes. She fumbled with his pants for a moment before unzipping them and pushing the down with aid of her feet.

He stepped back for a moment slipping off his boots and stepping out of his pants, leaving him completely naked before her. She bit her lip at the sight of him. She had forgotten how beautiful he was. Grasping the back of his neck, she pulled him back to her smashing their lips together. Lifting her hips, she felt him reach for and pull down her thong tossing it to the floor.

She knew they shouldn't be doing this here. They were completely naked and about to have sex in the middle of her mother's kitchen island. Faith was upstairs, and he mother could return home at any moment, but something about how exposed they where only seemed to fuel the fire burning within her.

Too turned on for any more teasing, she wrapped her hand around his hard cock placing him at her entrance in a silent welcome. He slipped his cock up and down her wet slit, teasing her clit hearing her whimper. He couldn't help the cocky smirk that formed on his lips.

"Spike, please, no more teasing… need you inside me," she begged and he happily obliged, sliding into her warm heat. He groaned loudly at finally being inside her again. She was his heaven.

"Oh, god. Spike," she moaned feeling him stretch and fill her for the first time in years.

"Oh, god. Luv, you feel so good... so hot and wet for me," he moaned thrusting in and out of her slowly before starting to pick up the pace. "Still so bloody tight."

He pulled out of her almost completely before slamming back into her, hitting just the right spot inside her that made her eyes roll up and her toes curl. Spike couldn't stop himself from looking down to where they were so intently joined, groaning at the sight of him slipping in and out of her wet pussy.

Buffy followed his eyes seeing his cock slick with her juices disappear and reappear from her hot quim. Her eyes rolled back in her head. She had never seen anything so hot in her whole life. She was so close she could feel the burn starting to grow.

"Fuck. Spike, harder... please," she groaned throwing her head back in pleasure. He could see she was close. His own orgasm was building fast, but he wanted to make this so good for her.

"I missed you so much pet, missed touching you, kissing you." She groaned deeply at his words moments from falling over the edge. "Missed fucking your sweet pussy... god I love you."

"Oh god!" she wailed in release his words sending her spiraling out of control. "I love you too… love you so much." Spike thrust into her a few more times before falling over the edge with her shooting his milky seed inside her welcoming body.

Both breathing heavily, Buffy could feel his heart beat pounding against her bare chest almost as hard and fast as her own. Finally looking at each other, Spike smiled cupping her check.

"I mean it pet. I'm so in love with you I can't think straight." She nodded almost crying again at his admission.

"I love you too," she whispered "What now?" she asked shyly.

"Well, now we figure out which one of us is going to move, so we never have to be apart again," he replied moving forward to kiss her sweetly slowly pulling back.

"Well, Mom would probably give me a job at the gallery." She smiled laughing slightly as his eyes lit up before pulling her in for a kiss once more.


	22. Welcome to the wedding of Cordy & Xader

i_Chapter 22_/i

i_Welcome to the wedding of Cordelia & Xander_/i

The wedding had gone off without a hitch. Cordy and Xander had eagerly said "I do" in front of their friends and family. Jenny and Giles had been doting on young Dawn since the moment they were informed she was their granddaughter.

Not wanting to steal the spotlight, Buffy and Spike had decided to keep their new relationship a secret, just 'til the wedding was over. Buffy had made arrangements to move both herself and Dawn back to Sunnydale. She had wanted to get her own place but Spike refused to let her, saying that both she and Dawn belonged with him. She had been so excited to hear it.

Buffy had been thrilled when her mother had happily given her the job of assistant manager at the gallery, signing her on as a partner..

Even though Spike didn't want her to, Buffy knew she had to return to L.A. to pack and take care of a few things. Spike had offered to keep Dawn with him so she had her hands free to get everything done faster, but Buffy just couldn't bring herself to part with Dawn. She knew she would go mad if Dawn was in Sunnydale and she was in L.A.

Spike, of course, had been hurt at first, thinking Buffy didn't trust him alone with Dawn, but when she explained it wasn't about leaving her with him it was about her leaving Dawn, he quickly understood.

"Hello sweetheart." Smiling, Buffy turned at the sound of her father's voice . He admired her red bridesmaids dress. "You look beautiful."

"Thanks, but Dad, what are you doing here?" she asked, hugging him.

"Your mother invited me," he informed her, wrapping his arm around Joyce who smiled sheepishly.

"Mom, what's going on?"

"Your father and I have decided to give our relationship another go."

"What?" she gasped, surprised but happy. "I thought you said that would never happen?"

"Well that's how I felt at the time but that was many years ago and your father has changed so much," she explained. "We're taking things slowly."

"That's wonderful, I'm so happy for both of you," Buffy replied, hugging them both close.

"Buffy could I have a word?" Spike asked, stepping up behind her.

"Uh sure, excuse me," she said to her parents before following Spike into one of the back rooms. She had barely got the door closed before Spike slammed her against it, smashing his lips down onto hers.

Pushing her dress up, he lifted her, carrying her over to the bed and laying her down gently, never breaking the kiss. Finally, he pulled back and looked at her in awe.

"You look stunning tonight pet. I can't keep my hands to myself any longer," he whispered in her ear before kissing down her neck. His hand was rising up her dress but when the door swung open to reveal Cordy and Xander standing there, Spike's hand suddenly halted.

"Well it's about god damn time!" Cordy sighed happily.

"Cordy!" Buffy gasped. " It's not what it looks like!" Buffy didn't know why she was trying to defend the situation, Cordy had wanted them together for years. Getting caught in a back room at their wedding reception, however, left her with a need to explain.

"No? So you two weren't about to have sex at my wedding reception?"

Buffy's mouth opened and closed as she tried to think of a way to respond, but she came up empty. Spike couldn't help but laugh softly at the look on Buffy's face, she swung back, slapping his arm playfully.

"I'm so happy for you guys, this is great," Cordy said, smiling and making it clear she wasn't upset. "As long as my idiot brother doesn't intend to ruin it again, we're fine."

"Oi! Not an idiot!" Spike said, shaking his head.

"Yeah okay." Cordy laughed. "It's so romantic. You guys meet, fall in love then meet again only for it to fall apart 'cause my brother's an b**idiot,**/b" Cordy said pointedly. "Then you meet again four years later, only to discover you have a daughter and realize you're still mad about each other." Cordy sighed dreamily.

"Come on, my wife." Xander laughed softly and grabbed her arm. "Let's give them some privacy." He dragged her out of the door.

"Okay, but we're cutting the cake soon," Cordy yelled as Xander shut the door.

Buffy and Spike both giggled at Cordy. Standing from the bed, Buffy straightened her dress.

"We'd better get back out there," she informed Spike, but when he moved past her and locked the door, she couldn't help the smile that formed.

"Not so fast, pet. We came in here for a reason," he replied, moving towards her.

"Spike we can't, they're waiting for us."

"We can be quick."

"Now that's romantic," she laughed softly.

"Fine, we'll be slow," he replied. Sweeping her up into his arms, he threw them both back down onto the bed. Buffy couldn't help the giggle that escaped her lips.

b**Almost an hour later**/b

Buffy and Spike emerged from the back room straightening their clothes and hoping no one noticed them returning together. Spike moved to sit next to Xander as Buffy took her seat next to Cordy, trying to act normal.

"I can't believe you guys finished," Cordy said shaking her head at Buffy.

"We were just talking," Buffy lied.

"Uh huh, you big fat liar." They both laughed.

After Cordy and Xander cut the cake, everyone had spent the night drinking, dancing and laughing enjoying the night together.

After seeing Cordy and Xander off at the airport, Buffy and Spike had returned to the Summer's house so she could pack the car and head back to L.A. Now they stood next to her car preparing to say goodbye.

"I feel like I'm losing you again, both of you," Spike explained, stroking Dawn's soft brown hair.

"You're not losing us, we'll be back in four weeks, I promise." Spike nodded sadly. "Do you think I'm not going to come back?"

"I'm scared luv, that's all."

"You have nothing to be scared of. I love you and I promise we are coming back. I have to."

"Why?" he asked, fishing for reassurance.

"Well firstly and most importantly, I love you and couldn't stand to stay away from you now, and secondly, mom told me last night that she is moving to L.A for a while to see how she and dad work out and I have sole responsibility for the gallery."

Spike smiled brightly. "That's wonderful pet, and I love you too," he replied, picking up Dawn. "Both of you."

Dawn smiled, hugging him close. "I love you too, daddy." Spike felt his heart soar at her words, it was the first time she had ever called him dad. Buffy couldn't wipe the smile off her face.

Spike put Dawn into her booster seat, making sure she was buckled in properly before kissing her forehead. "I'll see you soon sweetheart," he promised before closing the door and looking at Buffy.

"I love you so much pet." He hugged her close. "Don't be away too long," he begged, leaning back to kiss her passionately.

As they pulled apart, Buffy smiled. "I love you too, and I promise to come back soon," she replied, slipping from his grasp and getting into the driver's seat. Leaning through the open window, they kissed one last time before Buffy pulled away from the curb, leaving Spike behind wishing the four weeks was already over with.


	23. Forever

i_Chapter 23_i

i_Forever_i

Spike stood looking out of his opened bedroom window, staring out into the dark night, cool winter air on his face. He couldn't believe this was happening. He was hoping with everything that was in him that his fears were wrong and that Buffy and Dawn would show up one day, but he was starting to doubt it.

It was now over four weeks since Buffy and Dawn had left Sunnydale to pack up everything in L.A. He had talked to them almost every night for the first three weeks but now nothing. It had been over a week and he was getting ready to panic.

He had tried calling her home phone but it kept saying it had been disconnected and her mobile just kept going to voice mail. He had called the gallery she had been working for but it seemed she had quit weeks ago. He would have called Joyce and Hank but they were both unreachable as they had decided to go on a month long cruise together.

Burning thoughts and questions kept rolling around in his head. What if she had changed her mind? What if she had decided she wasn't in love with him after all? What if it was all a ruse and she had never really wanted him but had pretended because she was scared he would take Dawn?

He never would do that to her of course. She was a wonderful mother and he could never hurt her that much. He loved her and he had hurt her enough in the past. He had promised her he would never take Dawn from her. They were coming to move in with him so they could be a family, so it just didn't make any sense to do this.

Spike looked down at the red velvet box in his hand, opening it to reveal the princess diamond ring he had bought the week before, fully intent on asking Buffy to marry him and make them officially a family. He didn't just want Dawn to have his last name but Buffy too. Tears burned his eyes as he felt all his dreams and hopes for them all come crashing down as he accepted the fact that he was never going to see his two beautiful girls again.

Hot tears ran down his face in defeat.

"William" he heard his sister gasp as she came into the room.

"Not now Cordy, I just need some time alone please," he begged, refusing to look at her, not wanting her to see his pain or to see her pity for him.

"But Will..." She started.

"Cordy I said not now!" he yelled, spinning to face her only to see her with a huge smile on her face with Dawn standing next to her.

"Dawn." Her name came out of his mouth in a whisper.

"Daddy!" Dawn squealed as she bolted towards him at full speed.

Slipping from his chair, he dropped to his knees to swoop Dawn up into his arms and hold her close.

"Daddy, you're squeezing me very hard," Dawn giggled.

Spike let go, laughing softly. "Sorry bit. I just missed you so much," he said, standing to his feet.

She smiled up at him. "I missed you too daddy."

Hearing someone clearing their throat, Spike looked up to see Buffy smiling at him. Spike quickly moved towards her, kissing her with all the longing and love he had felt inside him the past week, before pulling back.

"I missed you too" Buffy smiled

"What happened? I have been trying to reach you for a week. I was worried sick."

"I know. I'm sorry but I had a massive run of bad luck. First the phone company cut my home phone off weeks before they were meant to. Then while I was packing up my desk at work, I dropped my phone in the water fountain in the lobby."

"You could have called me from a pay phone," he snapped slightly.

"I spoke to the phone company before I left work and they were going to express me a new one overnight, but somehow even though I reminded them repeatedly to send it to my apartment in L.A they sent it to the new address I gave them in Sunnydale, mums gallery." She sighed. "I would have called after that, but once I realized their mistake I went to the bank to transfer money to my assistant at the gallery and there was a robbery."

"What?" he gasped.

"I'm surprised you didn't hear about it, it was all over the news."

"I haven't been near a T.V in days."

"It's true. He has been sulking."

"Cordy," Spike hissed.

"I, on the other hand, knew you would come back and did see the news about one of the main banks in L.A. Everyone was held hostage for three days before the robbers surrendered, I had no idea you were in there."

"Unfortunately I was. Thankfully I had left Dawn at home with her nanny. Once I was free I went home to Dawn, packed up the car and drove right here."

"Oh god Buffy I'm so glad you're okay." He hugged her close.

Cordy led Dawn from the room to give them both some privacy. It was then that Buffy looked down and noticed a small red box on the floor. Pulling back from Spike, she moved past him and picked it up. "What's this?" she asked, turning to face him.

Spike moved fast to stop her but it was too late. She opened the box to reveal the ring inside.

"Oh my god!" Buffy gasped in surprise.

"I was going to wait till you'd settled in, then take you out to dinner, maybe go to the look out, and then I'd drop to one knee." As he spoke, he followed his words and dropped to one knee. Taking the box from her hand and closing it, he looked up at her. "And I'd show you this ring." He smiled, opening the box. "And I'd say, Buffy Anne Summers you're the most amazing person I have ever met and I can't imagine my life without you or Dawn. Will you do me the honour of marrying me?"

Buffy felt her heart hammering in her chest and tears start to well as she looked into his eyes, searching for any hesitation or uncertainty, but all she found was pure honest love and devotion and she knew in that moment what her answer would be.

"Yes, of course I'll marry you."

Slipping the ring quickly on her finger, he jumped to his feet, swooping her up in his arms and showering her face with kisses. "I love you Buffy, god I love you so much," he whispered in her hair.

"I love you too, so much," she replied, smashing her lips down onto his. Buffy had never felt so sure or complete in her life. She had spend years alone and scared, afraid to fall in love again, running from her secrets. But now she couldn't be happier, here in the arms of the only man she had ever loved. The only man she would ever love.

Just days before, she had been held hostage, kept from her daughter and the man she loves, afraid she would never see them again. Now she knew the future was bright but she knew she had one more secret she had to tell him.

"Spike there is something I need to tell you. I have a secret," he stepped back looking worried, "and I think you deserve to know."

"Oh god," he whispered, fear lacing his voice. "Okay what is it?"

Buffy smiled, then felt a little bad for teasing him. She knew that if Dawn was any indication, he would be very happy about this secret. "Well just before the bank incident, I had a doctors appointment 'cause I have been a little under the weather for the past week or so and he did a test and well..." she paused for a moment.

"Oh god it's something terrible isn't it? You're sick, dying... god you hear about this all the time. They're happy and in love and then BLAM tragedy hits," he rambled, pacing.

"You have been watching way too many movies," she laughed. "I'm not dying Spike, I'm pregnant."

His fear instantly turned to surprise and happiness, swooping her up into his arms he kissed her passionately. "I love you so much! I can't wait to spend forever with you." He smiled, cupping her face.

"Forever... I like the sound of that." she smiled, kissing him lovingly. Buffy had been terrified about returning to Sunnydale for Cordy's wedding. Now she wished she had come back sooner, because now she knew her life, her love was here in Sunnydale.

Her forever.

The end.


End file.
